Monday, November 13, 2006

Sleeping with Bread Monday with Walking and Weakness

In the last week, for what am I most grateful?

This past week, I started walking with a friend, a mom from Marley's class. I am grateful because a) I love getting to know her better; and b) I really need to do the walking. The walk is over two miles and hilly. It will be very good for me--both the friendship and the walking.

In the last week, for what am I least grateful? (This week, the question could be posed as when I felt most blasted back into adolescent insecurity.)

At the risk of sounding petty, I was reminded this week that I am not the fun friend. Shall I explain that ridiculous statement? It is simply that I am the wise friend, the nurturing friend, the permission-giving friend. I will be there for you, give you perspective, encourage you. I am the friend that is good for you not the friend you get in trouble with.

Even as I type this I know how silly it all sounds. My friends love me. We have fun together. But something this week just sucked me right back into the time when I didn't feel like I was fun, just boring and dependable. I want to clarify that this feeling isn't the result of anyone saying or doing anything unkind to me. It was just a couple of innocent things different people said.

Maybe it would be best to say that what I am least grateful for this week is my "relapse" into a past insecurity that I had thought long gone. That is really a more accurate statement because the "I'm not the fun friend" isn't something to do anything about. I can however, shake off the past and move forward bringing my self-confidence and assurance with me.

Until tomorrow,


13 down, 17 to go

Also Sleeping with Bread today:

Sheila of Musings of a Mommy: Sleeping with Bread Monday
atypical of nonsensical text: the whole loaf


V-Grrrl said...

I get that same adolescent feeling sometimes as well, especially when I moved here and had to start over from scratch trying to make friends.

Terri B. said...

Oooo ... past insecurities that creep up on us. What a topic. I don't even want to get started.

Sheila said...

Oh, we should talk about this IRL. I have also had the insecurity flashbacks with certain friends, and I'm pretty sure it's all me and not them, but then there is that little doubt - maybe my feellings are right, and the friend is only my friend because they pity me . . . aaaah! Enough to drive you to (insert self-pity-indulgent habit of choice (mine is donuts and coffee)) For the record, you are fun! You make me laugh!