Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Everything. . .

I love about my town.

Well, not EVERYTHING but after a post about Life that was followed by a post about the Universe, it was a given what this one would be called.

So here is a list of LOTS of things that I love about my town.

  1. The Jacaranda trees that bloom every spring
  2. The downtown market that shows how much community we have in our community
  3. Frati Gelato! The YUMMIEST gelato and sorbet made by someone who went to gelato school in Italy. Did you KNOW there was such a thing as gelato school?
  4. 25 minutes to the beach
  5. 45 minutes to the mountains
  6. My daughter's alternative, multiage class in a public school
  7. Hill!!! Paul and I lived in Texas for almost four years and it was FLAT where we lived. I love our hills.
  8. Excellent restaurants. I think we have a surprisingly large number of restaurants that have very good food.
  9. Old houses. We have some lovely old houses. I love old houses.
  10. Starbucks. I know, I know. Starbucks is so ubiquitous. I don't care. I like not being more than five minutes away from a Starbucks not matter where I am at in town. So sue me.
  11. My son's high school. It has excellent programs... the arts, honors, a farm (!), a culinary school, a nationally ranked speech & debate team (and yes, sports). It also is over 100 years old. Again with the old. I like old. Which leads me to. . .
  12. Hosted at the 100+ year old high school auditorium, the Orange County Theatre Organ Society shows silent movies accompanied by a Wurlitzer organ. The next showing is Nosferatu, A Symphony of Terror. I think that's pretty cool.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

the Universe (Well, not really...)

My last post was about Life. I had intended to write a more complete post about Life, the Universe and Everything but all I could squeak out was the little bit of Life.

And I've been thinking since then that I would try to write this next post about the Universe... and then a post about Everything. But there is a wee problem with that...

Right now my Universe is just so small. All I can see are the proverbial trees and not the forest. There is so much going on right now... issues over health care reform... H1N1 flu preparedness... the continuing recession... and that's just the U.S. I don't have the energy, though, to think too much about those issues. In some part, that is due to how emotionally charged the Internet is. If I were to really try to write about the Universe these days, it would probably have more to do with incivility, a determined mindset to outsnark those who think/act/believe differently from you, the demonizing of "the other," a general unwillingness to ask questions... and most of all, a complete abundance of Absolute Certainty. It exhausts me--all this Certainty.

I am living with too many certainties... including those age old favorites: death and taxes. I received a long, long document from the lawyer for my mom's estate. I haven't been able to make myself go through it yet. I've just peeked at it enough to see that I need three years of tax returns for my mom--but she didn't keep any of those records. I have to set up a separate bank account in the name of the estate--but there's no money to put in it. When I set my mind to these issue, my body rebels. I feel a tightening in my chest, a queasiness in my stomach. I get a very clear picture of an ostrich with its head firmly buried in the ground.

All that and the pressure of deadlines for grad school... kids who need their mother to be emotionally present... the ongoing challenges of my father's estate... a house that's fit for How Clean is Your House... knees that have gone wonky, preventing me from doing any real amount of exercise.

And I cannot STAND writing about all this... because I think I sound like a big, whiny child... because I am feeling so crappy about it all that I cannot balance it--like I usually can--with the sunny side of things. I function in two modes: Denial or Depression. (Before I get a bunch of worried comments and emails, I HAVE started seeing a therapist--just last week.)

I KNOW things will get better. I KNOW this is all temporary. This knowledge comes from two things: my Faith in Christ and my previous experience when Life has overwhelmed me. I know that however long it takes, it will just be a portion of my life--not the entirety of it.

In the meantime, the Universe will have to wait.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Life: September 2, 2009


Death certificates… forwarded mail… letters from banks… just a few of the things Life brings you when there is a death in the family.

Emergency card forms… homework folders… payments for lunch accounts… just a few of the things Life brings you when a new school year begins.

Ash from fires miles away… air conditioners running incessantly… tears and tempers… just a few of the things Life brings you when the traditional end of summer heat wave arrives.

Lunch with friends… talks in restaurant parking lots and the phone… greetings on Facebook… encouraging tweets… just a few of the things Life brings you when you are experiencing the above.

Sadness… gratitude… restlessness… confusion… anger… lethargy… avoidance… many of the feelings I've been having as I live this Life right now.