Quick Bread

If I don't do this now, it might not get done at all, so here is the Bisquick version of my end of '07, beginning of '08 Sleeping with Bread post.

2007...

...was at times disappointing. Usually, the disappointment had to do with people. Go figure. If you've been hanging out in my universe for very long you know I love God and His church. However, His church (the people, not the buildings) can be headstrong, stubborn, given to fits of silliness, and just plain frustrating. Thank goodness He loves us anyway.

...was at times typical. I started last year with great intentions for my health, physical and spiritual. I ended it with the equivalent of one of those horrific pratfalls that makes you want to laugh and cry for a person all at the same time. The spiritual practices and physical exercise I was so diligent at for the first few months of '07 were nowhere to be found by the end.

...was at times exhilarating. I started school, was scared to death--as evidenced by much gastro-intestinal distress and disrupted sleep, juggled too many balls but came through it all with quite a nice result. I met some new, lovely people, figured out exactly what this Master's in Reading Education actually is and figured out a) that I think I'm going to be good at what I want to do and b) that I really like it.

For 2008...

...I hope to me more disciplined. With three classes and the usual commitments, I know I will not be Miss Perfect Exerciser or Miss Never-Miss-A-Prayer time. However, I hope to incorporate good practices, on all levels, more often than not. My life (and my family's lives) are much better off when I am eating right, exercising, and spending meaningful time in spiritual pursuits.

...I hope to continue to do well in school. This will require more of the discipline mentioned above. Oy! I almost laughed out loud as I typed that. I'm such an undisciplined person. This will be interesting.

...Ultimately, for all the challenges that 2007 brought, I wouldn't mind feeling overall about 2008 as I do about 2007: that it was a year in which I did good but could do better. I had dubbed 2007 as The Year of Restraint. While I still need to work on all the things I listed in last year's Resolutions post, I would be content to look forward to 2009 having shown some restraint and discipline but feeling as if I was able to enjoy life along the way.

The Year of Just Being...

being Mary-LUE

being Mom

being Wife and Partner

being Friend

being Daughter

being Student

Being.

Sleeping with Bread: To Have and Have Not

The Bread I Have

I am a person blessed with special friends, women of character, strength, dignity, humility, wisdom, humor. These friends have listened to me, understood me, prayed for me, loved me, challenged me. I believe, in fact, that I have known more than my fair share of deep friendship. There is a Celtic word, anamchara, which describes the type of relationships I am talking about. Anamcharas, or soul friendships, are characterized by the following:

First, soul friendship is associated with great affection, intimacy and depth.

Second, soul friend relationships are characterised by mutuality: a profound respect for each other's wisdom, despite any age or gender difference, and the awareness that the other person is a source of many blessings.

A third characteristic of soul friends is that they share common values, [and] a common vision of reality.

Fourth, soul friendships include not only affirmation, but the ability of each to challenge the other when necessary.

A fifth aspect of anamchara relationships ... is that they are centred on God, the soul friend in whom all other friendships are united. True soul friends do not depend on each other alone, but root their relationship in God.

A sixth characteristic of soul friendship is that it survives geographical separation [and] the passage of time.

Early Celtic Soul Friendship

I have found this last characteristic to be true. Many of my anamcharas are removed from me by geographical location and by the separation of current life circumstances. It isn't as easy to find those big stretches of time to talk. But, much of the foundation of the friendships having been laid, we fall easily into intimacy, even after a long absence.

BUT... and isn't there always a but?

Here is the Bread I Have Not:

In my New Year's Resolution post, I wrote that I was calling 2007, the Year of Restraint. Feeling a need to focus on so many areas of my life, I realized that all the all the dissatisfaction I felt fell under two categories: moderation and discipline, both synonyms for restraint. Spiritual discipline, which I felt should be my first priority, however, has taken a back seat to my efforts at diet, exercise and financial wisdom.

I spent some time thinking about this and I had a little epiphany: I need a a new soul friend.

Let me explain.

Tara of Uphill Idealist, sent me a link to an online article discussing the Celtic concept of soul friendship, anamchara. The morning I had my epiphany, I realized what had been missing most in my spiritual life for the last year or so is the consistent time with such a friend, with time devoted specifically to discussing spiritual exercises and making a plan during that time for what exercises I would do during the following week. Time sitting across a table, face to face. I had that for several years with one particular friend but life has changed and we do not have that time together now.

And so, while I have an embarrassment of riches in the friends department, I wrote the following in my journal a few weeks ago after meditating for a morning on my spiritual state:

I know what I want now. I figured it out. All of my questions are not answered but I think I know what I need--a soul friend. Lord, as I ask for this, I pray first that it be your will for me. Let it, please, be your will for me. Lord, I ask that you help me find my next soul friend, where my spirit and hers can come together with yours, to nudge each other, inspire each other, question each other, love each other, sharpen each other.

I don't know if God will answer that prayer with a yes. Soul friends are like the rarest of gems and I may not find another to add to my other jewels. God may be calling me to develop my inner introvert, and in so doing, seek my spiritual growth in more solitude than I have in the past.

Either way, I will continue to seek him.




This week's other Sleeping with Bread posts can be found here.

Sleeping with Bread: There and Back Again

Life has been, well, life-ish this past week. And by that, I mean that there has been a real mix of consolations and desolations. Here are the highlights and lowlights of my week:

Consolations:

I got back on the exercise wagon. In fact, after two fast-paced, long walks on Monday and Tuesday, I was pretty tired on Wednesday.

My friend Kym came to visit with her mom and baby, Kaleb. I've written about Kym before, so there may be some who might be getting tired of me talking about the daugher I had before I had a daughter. It is always a treat to spend time with her; I can't tell you what a treat it is.

Marley's birthday party was a resounding success. She had a great time and you know how much a parent loves seeing their child have a great time.

Desolations:

I have not been successful at getting back on the diet wagon. After my trip to Modesto, I've just struggled with tracking my points and making better food choices.

Physically, I was pretty tired. With the extra tiring walks, a mad dash to clean before Kym came, working in Marley's class on the same day as the party and then... well, this deserves its own bullet point...

The meltdown to beat all meltdowns with my daughter featuring a refusal to go to school and a battle of wills which might be said to resemble the mother/daughter equivalent of the Gunfight at the OK Corral.

I had a visit to the dentist to begin the process of getting a crown. I used to deal with all things dental fairly well. Post sleep apnea diagnosis, though, I am more claustrophobic and panicky during the whole procedure.

But, if I look closely, there are some consolations in my desolations:

Exercise and not eating right is at least better than not exercising and not eating right.

Marley made it to school today. It was still a struggle, but she got there. I think she learned that I mean what I say about her attending school.

I made it through the whole dental procedure and only had to be asked once not to bite down so hard on the assistant's finger.

But yet, there are still thoughts that linger. More substantial bread to bake dealing with forgiveness and spiritual connection and relationships. I've been pressed for time on Mondays or too tired when I get around to my SWB. So, what I'm posting is real but there's more. I should do something about that. I will do something about that. But not tonight. It is time for bed and I think I'll take my bread with me.

Links to other Sleeping with Bread posts can be found here.

Sleeping with Bread: the Caffeine-challenged Version

I sit and stare at the Sleeping with Bread questions.

I've got a little caffeine high going and it is hard to stop. Breathe. Reflect.

WheinsteaditfeelslikemyinsidesaregoingamillionmilesaminuteandIdon'tevenknowwhatitmeanstobreathe.

Slowly though, one thought bubbles up inside.

What caused a sense of desolation for me this week was money: the lack of, the overspending of, the years-long struggle to be a wise, disciplined steward of the generousness of God. A struggle which feels more like the proverbial "one step forward, two steps back" than the "slow and steady wins the race" turtle-like determination.

Sigh.

I breathe. Yes. That is a true desolation for me this week.

Another thought drifts to the surface, frees itself and pops.

What has give me great consolation this week is my children. The ones I complain about constantly. The ones I refer to as Wild Thing One and Wild Thing Two. The ones who wear me down, sometimes with the drip, drip, drip of the Chinese water torture, sometimes with the rushing torrent of a flash flood.

God help me, I love those kids.

My daughter has had lots of hugs for me lately. On Saturday, she kept climbing into my lap while we were at a friend's house. I asked her why I was getting all these hugs. She shrugged her shoulders, leaned in for some more cuddling and then said, "Because you bought me a hamster." She is in the midst of developmental and physical change right now. I look at her and her face looks different. Her words are different. She is really too big for me to carry, although sometimes I will lean over, put my hands under her arms, say "One, two, three!" so she will jump up at the same time I lift her up. By doing so I get enjoy--for the minute or so I can manage to carry her--her arms being wrapped around my neck, her legs around my body.

My son, as much as he resists being labeled, is in some ways the stereotypical teen. But he is so much more than that also. I forget sometimes how self-sufficient he is. I forget that if I stop and take time to explain what I am feeling, or to apologize for my rantings, he is gracious with me. He has long been a kid who wants his own space and is very adamant that his mother not touch him. I sneaked in back pats and hair rubs and sideways hugs for as long as I could. No more. I miss being able to express my love for him physically. But I know that it is more loving for me to respect his wishes in this area than to force it on him. So, I soak in his smiles, enjoy our shared interests in certain television shows and movies and remember the days when he was small enough to be held, his head resting just under my chin.


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Other Sleeping with Bread posts can be found here.

I'm at a crossroads... an interactive post.

Okay people, I have 4 - 6 hours to myself. Paul is still in Vegas on business. He Who Wishes Not To Be Mentioned is participating in a grassroots quintathlon with some friends, and Marley is hanging out at a friend's house (a favor which I will reciprocate later today).

So, I need your advice. I have this chunk of time and I'm not sure how to spend it. Here's are my options:

Straighten the house and do some laundry. School is back in session on Monday and Paul is gone until Friday. If I get the house in shape today, it will make life easier for the next seven days.

Grocery shopping. I've been taking something of a vacation from my diet. A combination of circumstances has led to this. One circumstance has been the lack of proper foods stocked in my cupboards. Grocery shopping will help me get back on track quickly.

Watch TV. I have one more episode on my Netflix rental of Bones, Season One, Disc 7. It will take almost an hour to watch. This is just a feel good for me.

Journaling/Scripture Reading/Spiritual Reading. I have to say this is the one I feel like I most ought to do. Watching TV is just for me, this category is for me and good for me. It is also an area I've not been intentional about for weeks and weeks and weeks--which is another way of saying months, but months sounds way more negligent than weeks.

I have already done my exericse. A nice long walk up and down hills with a stop at Starbucks. I was joined by two friends and so I killed two birds with one stone there. It was good for my body and my soul.

So, I doubt I'll get enough input before my time is up. I'm curious, however, as to what you will all recommend. And, if it doesn't help me out this time, I'll have the advice at the ready the next time I find myself in these circumstances--probably not for another year or so, but I can always hope it is sooner!

Sleeping with Bread Monday (Shhh! Don't tell anyone, it's really Sunday!)

After a Daylight Savings Time-aggravated break, I'm back for my weekly baking session. Since I am driving for a field trip Monday, I'm actually posting this on Sunday night. It is a little hard to concentrate on the deep, thoughtful, spiritual task at hand, however. As I blog in bed using my husband's laptop, he is watching reruns of Ren and Stimpy. It kind of kills the vibe, you know? Oh well, I'll do my best although I'm going to keep it simple. I'm fading fast...

What was the warm, crusty, yummy part of this week?

Helping with the Fourth/Fifth grade musical putting wireless mics on the kids. This was fun because of the moms I got to hang out with while working.

Getting into a good walking groove. I logged in quite a few miles today. It feels good.

Inviting one of the girls from Marley's class to read with us one morning. She is struggling with the social aspect of school because she is younger than most of the other kids. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. It was just good because I expected some resistance from Marley and she cooperated. Everything went well and then, coincidentally (or not), we ran into this girl at the park that same afternoon. I was concerned that Marley would be rude to her, but she included her classmate and things worked out perfectly.

The book club I meet with discussed What is the What by Dave Eggers. I highly recommend this book. I learned so much about the situation in Sudan 20 years ago, gained insight into the current situation in Darfur and was utterly moved by the story of Valentino, one of the Lost Boys who made it to America. There were very few gaps in the conversation that night.

Kymmy is coming to town! One of my sweet, sweet, friends called me to tell me she is coming to town in April from Australia. I should have one or two opportunities to see her and I'm so excited. I've written about her before. She moved in with us when she was just 18 years old. She was like a daughter to me before I had one. Now, she is married and a mommy and I am so thriled she is coming for a visit.

What was the stale, moldy, dry, crumb-y part of the week?

I was already quite clear in previous posts this week about the impact of Daylight Savings Time. I get it. I understand the advantages, but surely there has got to be a better way to adjust than just stealing away a precious hour of sleep, thus throwing off the balance of sleep for days to come? Isn't there? Can't we just jump ahead 10 minutes, once a week, for six weeks? We could make that work. I know I could! ;)

My first week since I started my "Year of Restraint" that I haven't lost weight. This was followed up by a weekend of bad food choices. Blech!

Paul was out of town from early Wednesday to late Saturday. With the whole family feeling out of sorts for various reasons, it was touch and go here some days. I managed without a major melt down but I was juggling the moods of myself and both my kids for four days and it wore me out. Having Paul's trip cut into the weekend made it even more challenging.

This post seems a little mundane, but there you have it. I'm tired, ready for bed and that is the best bread I'm going to get tonight. There are other things I could have examined but I didn't have the mental stamina necessary. Maybe next week.

As usual, other SWB posts can be found here.

P.S. I'll probably republish later with links added in.

Sleeping with Bread: with bloghorrea and very few commas

My mind is ajumble right now. It has been a long, but good, day. Bobby, the hamster is spinning madly around his little pink wheel, all set to ride to Nowheresville for the next eight hours. The whrrr, whrrr, whrrr of his plastic transport provides the background noise for this post. I've got something of a headache and I don't know if it is from allergies, too much sun (Yes. You read that right. It was in the low 80s today.), or low blog sugar levels. I want to watch TV, finish reading What is the What, and blog simultaneously. I know I can manage two out of three, but three out of three would probably make my already aching head explode. I'm using the laptop and a wireless connection which has already proved unreliable enough that an utterly brilliant comment was lost over at The Ravin' Picture Maven's most recent post. (The only good thing about it being lost is that I can claim it as genius and no one can prove otherwise! Hah!) So, what's a woman to do on a night like this? Ramble on like a maniac, of course. It's free form Sleeping with Bread where you take a bunch of ingredients, throw them together in the bread machine and hope it turns out all right.

First, the ingredients, in no particular order.

One viewing of Amazing Grace

One husband on a business trip from Tuesday to Sunday

One son, age 14, put on a plane as an unaccompanied minor for the first time on Friday, returned with father on Sunday

One trip to Petco to leave guinea pigs for adoption

One white-with-black eyes dwarf male hamster purchased complete with all pink Crittertrail cage, breast cancer awareness version. (Really.)

One windy two hour session at Sam's Club selling Girl Scout cookies with clingy daughter who won't speak or look at one person.

One weekend of bad food choices which virtually wipe out all floater points on Weight Watchers plan for the week

One does of further engrossment (Is that a word?) in What is the What

One trip out to the movies with sweet, thoughtful friend (See Amazing Grace above.)

One deduction of 1.5 pounds from total body weight (measured before weekend food binge)

One weekend with daughter alone

One purchase spree of too many items in one weekend for daughter

One generous dash of food for thought regarding identity crisis (see talk with thoughtful friend), purpose and calling in life (see Amazing Grace), epiphany regarding Year of Restraint (in car alone)

Mix all these ingredients together and you come up with a jumbled up, tired in a good way woman.

A woman who is thankful for her comfortable bed at 8:41 at night.

A woman who is a little sun- and wind-burnt.

A woman who was surprised at how well her daughter entertained herself at home while said daughter's brother was out of town.

A woman who cannot stand the state of her house one more week and has requested her husband take a day off this week, said day to be dedicated to the ordering of the household--no excuses.

A woman who is relieved her son's travel was without incident.

A woman who cannot get out of her head the use of the term unaccompanied minor in the book What is the What to describe these poor Sudanese boys who experienced so much over so many years and then cannot help but compare their experience to that of her son who, for a fee of $75, was literally escorted to and from the plane and handed into the hands of his father in Dallas.

A woman who's ready to watch Heroes and get lost in the world of cheerleaders who can't die, policeman who can read minds, artists who paint the future, political hopefuls who can fly, former Dr. Whos who are invisible, cute Japanese men who manipulate time and desire to fulfill their destiny to be heroes.

As always, this week's Sleeping with Bread posts will be found here.

Going Down in Flames

(If you already made it to this post, I apologize for the new post alert in your feed reader. I had some glaring mistakes staring me in the face this morning and I couldn't let them go. I guess trying to write a post while supervising two young girls isn't the brightest idea.)


Yesterday I did something I am usually loathe to do: I took myself for a walk. Now, don't get me wrong; I love walking. Except in the dread heat of summer, there is very rarely a bad day for walking here in So-So Cal. But I hate to walk alone. Give me blue skies, mild temperatures and a warm body by my side to keep me company. Please. But my walking schedule has been erratic lately and I'm trying to chisel a healthy woman facet on my already dazzling self and it was either walk alone or not at all.

Of course, faced with such a solitary sojourn, I had to dig out my faithful iPod. I had recently loaded up a new album so it was a good excuse to listen to it. So picture me now, starting out slowly as I wind up and down the hills of my neighborhood. I am so proud of myself:

"Look at me. I'm walking. I can do this. This is easy." Soon, however, I have this to say to myself:

"Good Lord, (huff, puff) I can't do this. I have to stop. This is impossible. I don't want to be healthy." Some version of these two mental exchanges takes place alternately for my one hour walk. Finally, I finish, legs tingling and body sweating. I did it. I walked alone!

Excuse my waxing poetic about that major accomplishment in my life. I really came here to share the lyrics of a song I listened to on my extreme trek. The new album I just put on my iPod is Long Island Shores by Mindy Smith. Superb music, let me tell you. But the song I want to tell you about isn't on that album. It is on her previous album, One Moment More. It was easier to hit "Play All" Mindy Smith songs so after Long Island Shores, the One Moment More album began. As I listened to Down in Flames, I realized why I love her music so much. Although I imagine that her life and mine are very different, almost every one of her songs relates an emotion that I've felt or reflects a situation which seems familiar to me. This particular song, Down in Flames, resonated for me so much as a mother. The picture of someone confiding to a stranger, struggling over her day, reminded me of all the different mom posts I read and it seemed as if on any given day, this song could be one of our theme songs.

"Down In Flames"

I don't usually take chances
Most would easily agree
Something in your eyes
Is saying you can ease my heartache
I have a burden in sight
And I know you're just a stranger
If you cannot understand
There's too many times
I've lost my chance to talk with an angel
Too many to count

And life's so hard
It's the little things that seem to be getting me today, yeah
Life's so hard
But I'm doing what I can to not to be getting down
I'm going down in flames
Going down in flames

I would tell you I am happy
If I wasn't so damn sad
And the loneliness both overwhelms and keeps me empty
That's how it's been for a while

And life's so hard
It's the little things that seem to be getting me today, yeah
Life's so hard
But I'm doing what I can to not to be getting down
I'm going down in flames
Going down in flames

I need some direction
I need someone to listen
Someone to tell me that they know

That life's so hard
It's the little things that seem to be saving me today, yeah
Life's so hard
And I'm doing what I can
Oh, yeah, I'm doing what I can
Hey, I'm doing what I can
Going down in flames
Going down in flames

I'm not feeling the emotion expressed in this song at this moment in time. As a mother, though, there have been many a day in which it seemed I was going down in flames, every little thing adding fuel to the fire. I imagine many of you have, to0. Listening to this song, I feel less alone.





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Side note: My presence in the 'verse has been sporadic this past week. Mostly I've just been recovering the the mutant virus that threatened life on Planet Mary-LUE. Mind you, I wasn't sick, just my Wild Child; however, I was out of circulation as much as she was and it is taking me a while to get back in the swing. I'm sure ya'll be seeing me more this week. (Did I use that correctly, Pam?)

Sleeping with Bread: with Apnea and Archives

As much distaste as I have for being labeled, as much as I resist identifying myself as a SAHM mommy blogger, a Christian blogger, a dieting blogger, etc., there is just no getting around my struggle this week with sleep apnea. And so, I risk repeating myself and boring people and defining myself as "the sleep apnea, diet and exercise blogger" today as I Sleep with Bread by asking these questions.



In the last week, when did I feel most alive?

I've been doing Weight Watchers online for just over four weeks now. During that time, I've also been very consistent with my walking. The two combined have made for a decent weight loss and an overall feeling of health. To be able to walk almost three miles in just over 45 minutes feels great. It is still a physical challenge but far more easy than it was when I started. I think I am even carrying myself a little straighter these days and although I haven't lost that much weight, my body seems lighter and I go about my business. The company of other moms from Marley's class and other friends when I walk feeds my extroverted soul and gives me a sense of spiritual well-being as well as physical. Additionally, being out in nature refreshes me. I live in an ordinary Southern California suburb. The norm is rolling hills and beautiful weather. Unless we are getting some infrequent rain, we are usually blessed with a temperature between 65 and 85 degrees and pretty blue skies. What's not to love about that? Yes, I have definitely felt alive this week as I pursue better health. Of course, there is a shadow side to all of this...

In the last week, when have I felt most drained of life?

Hi. My name is Mary-LUE and I have sleep apnea. I've discussed the adventure that is sleep apnea in the past. I was diagnosed seven months ago and began CPAP treatment five months ago. The treatment helps. It really does help. However, there have been two periods where my allergies have acted up above and beyond what my current allergy treatment regimen handles. When that happens, the extra congestion makes it more difficult to breathe with my CPAP contraption on. I'm in the midst of one of those cycles and have only managed more than four hours of sleep on my CPAP machine 4 times in the last 24 days. That is not good enough.

Last Sunday I woke up and knew that I could not face the day. I stayed home from church and hid in bed most of the day. It isn't just a matter of feeling tired. Too many nights without my REM cycle sleep and I get by turn irritable and overly emotional. I might snap at you or burst into tears. I teetered back and forth on this sleep-deprived seesaw all week. Saturday, we took Marley to a college women's basketball game. My sister-in-law's boss has a daughter on the team. We thought it would be fun (it was) and that it would be good to show Marley that girls do play basketball since she is not lovin' her coed team. I crashed about 11 a.m. and went to go lie down for an hour not sure if I could make the game at 2:00 p.m. I did pull myself together but as we settled in to watch the game, I just wanted to cry. For no reason. Just cry. Arghh! I hate it because I know what is causing it and yet knowing doesn't stop what is going on.

I've been trying to resist wrapping every SWB post up with my big picture perspective but I cannot leave it with the emotional ball of mess that sleep apnea lobs at me. I do believe that it would have been worse if I weren't exercising and eating right. I know when the current allergens leave the air, I will go back to getting more hours of sleep on the machine. And, I am fortunate to have been diagnosed and given the resources to treat my condition. So, it sucks. It really, really sucks but it was worse and it could still be worse... but it isn't. I'm very grateful for that.



My posts detailing my diagnosis and treatment of sleep apnea:

To sleep, perchance to breathe...

To sleep, perchance to breathe: a boring but informative update on my adventures in sleep apnea

To sleep, perchance to breathe: it's hard to strike a post in your jammies and electrodes.




For a list of other SWB bakers, you can go here.

Sleeping with Bread: this Pilgrim's Progress

In my so-called real life, Sleeping with Bread includes lighting a candle before beginning. After finishing, the candle is extinguished. In the spirit of that, I thought I would do a little virtual candle lighting today along with my SWB post.


In the last week, when did I feel most alive?

This week, whenever I was working well toward my New Year's resolutions, I felt most alive, light and enthusiastic. I attribute this to a two-fold cause: 1) exercising and eating right makes you feel better (duh!); and 2) doing what you set out to do lifts your spirits. There were times this week when making some good choices directly led to other good choices, i.e., walking with friends and eating less junk gave me more energy, so I got some things done around the house that I normally wouldn't have done. It was a welcome change of pace, let me tell you.

Also, this week, the message in church was about listening to God. It reinforced another resolution I made this year to prioritize my relationship with God. There were good reminders in that sermon I was grateful to hear. Encouragement of that sort always makes me feel more alive.

In the last week, when did I feel most drained of life?

My new routine is still just that: a new routine. It isn't second nature. While I was able to see and feel results from the changes I am making, it wasn't always easy. Resisting certain foods will put me in a funk pretty quickly. Choosing to exercise when there isn't a person to walk with me? Twice this week, the burden for exercising rested solely on my shoulders and I didn't get the job done.

And, as with my physically-minded resolutions, where the good and the bad were opposite sides of the same coin, the same was true of my spiritual resolutions. I let myself focus more on the physical than the spiritual this week. I didn't practice the presence of God. There were nudges by the Spirit here and there and I let life get in the way.

Each week, although it isn't a necessary component of Sleeping with Bread, I always want to wrap it up with a little perspective. I think, in doing the exercise online, I am conscious of ending on a negative note... even though that is entirely NOT the point of examining your desolations. The exercise isn't about being negative but is about acknowledging what is difficult or painful in your life. So, this week, aside from this minor explanation, I will leave it at that.

Thanks for joining me today.






Note: The candle pictures are from iStockphoto.com. I've become somewhat addicted to this site, using pictures for our church newsletter. Trying to be a better steward of copyright laws, I purchased images (quite cheaply) from their site for this post today.

Sleeping with Bread: Resolutions in Progress

Well, it ended up being a two week break from Sleeping with Bread. I forgot that New Year's day would land on Monday also and I just continued with my SWB holiday. Of course, I did spend 2 1/2 hours that evening in the ER so my son could get stitches. (No major story there, just a boys will be boys bad judgment--not my son's but his friends.) Anyway, here I am 8 days in to the 2007 contemplating what recently has been life-giving and life-draining.

So far, in 2007, what has given me consolation?

I think as I look back, I have been allowed to rest in the New Year. After a crazy-busy Christmas season I was ready. Of course, I am still taking a break as the Christmas tree and other miscellaneous decorations are still up! In fact, Marley asked me today if we could leave it up for the rest of the year. No, it won't stay up that long. I'm sure I'll manage to take it down before my wedding anniversary (late January.) School started back today and it is time for responsibility and routine. It may take me a little while to ramp it up, but I'll get there.

I've also felt good so far this year about some choices I've been making. I've been making good on some New Year's resolutions and working on issues (spiritual disciplines, food, excercise, finances, etc.) in which I need to either be more moderate or more disciplined. The year is young, so very young, but I do feel like I have a chance to finish it well.

So far, in 2007, what has caused me desolation?

Probably a better word this week than desolation is grief. Along with the most excellent choices I've been making are little deaths. The one I've felt most strongly this week is in regard to food. As much as I know it is a good decision to make, I do not want to restrict my choice of foods. I get cranky or sad and have to work through it. I hope it will get easier. It will get easier, right?

Just Call Me Debbie Downer... Wah, Wah, Wah!

After reading some of the great year-end reflections that have been posted in the last few days, I tried to think about specifics in this past year and what I would write about in a similarly themed post.

I'm coming up mostly empty. Empty of highs I guess. There have been several lows. That makes me a little queasy--the thought of writing a year-end post in which I share a lot of low points. Yuck. It does help to make sense, however, of my Confessions of a New Year's Resolutions Junkie post. In a season where you remember more bad stuff than good, I guess it is natural to want to give your life an extreme makeover.

But is an extreme makeover the answer? If I were to make a list of all the things I want to change about my life, it would be very long like one of those scrolls in a movie which just rolls on and on when it is opened. I've been thinking about this list and trying to prioritize and group items that are connected to each other. Two themes emerge: discipline and moderation. There are areas of my life in which I need to be more disciplined (spiritual exercises, relationships, life details, exercise) and areas of my life in which I need to be more moderate (finances, food.) There is one other way I need to be moderate: emotional hyperbole. As I read this paragraph, my first response is to label myself a lazy glutton. Well, that's not going to help anyone--least of all me--is it?

At Thesaurus.com, restraint comes up as a synonym for both moderation and discipline. Go figure. So, I am dubbing 2007 The Year of Restraint since they are apparently two sides of the same coin.

And, I must remember that a year in a life is a journey. I will not arrive at my destination overnight. I will stumble and fall and pick myself up again. Dory's mantra from Finding Nemo which I quoted in my last post will serve me well...

Just keep swimming... just keep swimming... You might be hearing that a lot from me in 2007.

To liven up this somber post, I will share some of the highs that I experienced this year:

Blogging
Disney Passes
Getaway to Kentucky
New Friendships
Old Friendships
Sleeping with Bread

I wish you all a Happy New Year. Celebrate safely!

Mary-LUE