God Can't: A book review

God Can’t

How to Believe in God and Love After Tragedy, Abuse, and Other Evils

by Thomas Jay Oord

SacraSage Publishing, 2019

For the last few years, a group of people from my church have hosted a theology discussion group. It meets every summer, and we invite people with expertise in theology and philosophy to share with us on a theological/philosophical topics. Several of our members teach at one of our local Christian universities, and between them and the network of people they know, we have had a wealth of perspectives on topics ranging from Open Theism to Pacifism to Violence in the Old Testament and so on. These summer discussions have been very formative for me. One significant effect of these discussions is learning how many very different views there are of what the Bible has to say on many, many subjects. I don’t always agree with what our speakers have to say, but I have learned to listen and engage with many different ideas without feeling threatened by them.

I say this because God Can’t by Thomas Jay Oord will most definitely make some people uncomfortable. He is well aware his premise there are things that God cannot do pushes against long-held conventional beliefs about the nature of God.

I heard Tom speak last February and again last June about the topics he writes about in God Can’t. I had lots of questions for him, the most significant one being if what you say is true, how should I pray? He responds to that question and many others in this book to reach anyone who has ever been through difficult times and was not satisfied with others’ response as to why God “let” this happen or God “made” this happen.

The book is directly and thoughtfully written, born out of a desire to help those affected by the evils of this world. Tom brings a wealth of both scholarship and lived experience to his message. Several times I found myself writing down questions in the margin only to have him address those very questions later in the book. He also provides questions at the end of each chapter for reflection or group discussion. My personal recommendation is to read the book one section at a time. Wrestle with each chapter before moving on to the next. I also suggest reading it and discussing it with others in a group setting. As Tom uses his own and the experiences of others as examples, the experiences of others in a group setting can be beneficial to absorbing the concepts in God Can’t. Finally, I encourage you to look through the chapter questions before reading the chapter. Not every question provided will work as a pre-reading reflection, but a lot of them will. I think in doing so, you will be more prepared for his assertions as he makes them.

I want to leave you with one of his ideas that is resonating most with me having finished the book: God needs our cooperation to make a difference in this world. In chapter five, Tom quotes Teresa of Avila,

Christ has no body but yours,

No hands no feet on earth but yours,

Yours are the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world

Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,

Yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world.

Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,

Yours are the eyes, you are his body.

Tom does not suggest this in a literal way. Instead, he says, “the Spirit who has no physical frame calls us to use pour physicality to express God’s love. Like a mind influencing a body without controlling it, God influences us” (p. 157). When we listen to that influence, we have an impact on the world around us. That idea calls to my spirit. God not only loves me, But He also needs me, and I can work with Him to make the world a better place.

I can’t guarantee you will agree with Tom’s vision of God’s character and how that impacts how we understand the terrible things that happen to us. I can assure you will think about your beliefs about it.

God Can’t is available for purchase now in bookstores. Currently, the ebook format is only available for Kindle. However, it will soon be available in all ebook formats.

Procrastination: Periadolescence and Stereo Projects

I have LOTS of grading to do:

All those piles aren't ALL grading. Some of the papers are graded papers to return, copies of handouts, and administrative papers. Those books are copies of the selections for my class book club. I am still missing two books, so I will post pics of those later. If you look closely, you can see a small, white bottle of ibuprofen at the far end of the table.

I think ibuprofen should come with a teacher discount.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

My daughter is almost 11 and 1/2 years old. Things are happening to her body. THOSE things. Along with THOSE things come the moodiness, fits of temper, and the prerequisite acquisition of knowledge superior to adults in each and every way. Might I call it periadolescence? Between HER hormones and mine, I am pretty much aggravated at her every waking moment.

I have little reminders, though, of the actual PERSON she is in the midst of all of this. I bought some mini pumpkins the other day for her to decorate. This is what we have scattered around our living room right now:

 Harry Potter pumpkin

 Traditional Jack-O-Lanterns

 I think this is a girl pumpkin.

 Angry pumpkin. Grrrrr!

Another girl pumpkin. Apparently the long bang, swept to the side is popular right now.

When I see these, strategically placed around our living room and entry way, I remember that underneath all that pre-adolescent angst and know-it-all-ness is my crafty, hands-on, creative girl.

She thought very carefully about WHERE to put each pumpkin. "Which one goes with a horse, Mom?" Here are the results of her contemplations:

Please note blue plaid curtains from Target. The folks at Wrath of Mom are quite fond of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My husband has worked on a few projects around the house lately. The results of which mean I can listen to music on two different systems in the living room or one in the dining room--RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER from the living room.

System One: Please note directions. This isn't my husband being overly picky. They are necessary so that I am able to listen to music when I want and so that I do not blow up the precious amps.

 

 System Two: Good for listening to music and for listening to the television. Please pardon the blurry picture. It is what it is. The truly spectacular part of this system is the volume control. Done with the device pictured below:

 

Even more special is that it is connected to Sound System Two via this lovely cable: 

 

And now, System Three:

   This system features an extra fancy "Now Playing" indicator:

Extra fancy tech. That's how we roll in the LUE household.

*************************************

Well, that was truly a decent amount of time spent procrastinating. Mission accomplished!

Surprised by Waltzing (A LUE Rerun)

Somehow, on the first day of my Tuesday night class, the subject of my favorite band came up. Without hesitation, I said, "The Band." Then I had to explain to a group of people, who were mostly under the age of 22, who The Band is. To be absolutely truthful, I don't know that The Band is truly my favorite band. It might be The Blind Boys of Alabama. However, The Band, as featured in the documentary, The Last Waltz, represents so much more than just music to me. Here is a post I wrote about that movie a few years ago:
 

Sometime in the first year after I graduated high school, I read Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C.S. Lewis and his definition of joy as "an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction" captivated me. Joy, to Lewis, was a feeling inspired by any number of things from encounters with nature to the sound of friends' laughter. Eventually, as he sought out these moments of joy, he began to believe the emotion he was experiencing was a recognition of the divine which creates in us a longing for God.

At 18, I sensed the truth in his words. I knew that joy as he described was different than the happiness we are often taught should be our life's aim.

At 18, I felt I had experienced those longing glimpses into the divine.

I'm sure I had, but as I reflect on my life with its grown up burdens and responsibilities... as I consider the sad and tragic circumstances that can befall people, those glances of joy are more poignant to me. Sometimes they are almost boringly obvious: the heart-bursting ache that comes with a glance at my son or daughter; the gasp that comes with the sight of the local mountains, freshly covered in the snow after a storm. I think these are universal experiences which don't lose their depth of meaning in their prevalence.

Sometimes, though, I get that sense of Beauty and Longing in places I wouldn't expect. Today, Sober Briquette* picked up on a recent post of mine in which I chose a shopping cart to represent myself in a transportation metaphor. Her choice is great and the options she eliminates along the way are very funny. At the end she embedded a You Tube clip of Van Morrison singing with The Band from The Last Waltz.



The Last Waltz has been on my mind of late. We have the DVD and Colin recently purchased The Band's Greatest Hits (along with The Best of Sam & Dave, Wilson Pickett's Greatest Hits and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band--this kid has great taste in music). The film brings back fond memories. The first time I watched it was the first time Paul and I discussed forever. But more than that, the film and the music in it evokes in me a sense of the sublime. It is just so good it almost hurts--that good hurt.

Here's where my descriptive powers will fail me. How do I go beyond the Valley Girl-like "It's so awesome!!!" to communicate how the interviews with the members of The Band, along with the footage of amazing musician after amazing musician singing and playing with the band is just a little slice of heaven here on earth? How can I explain that I see God in the community these men had with each other or that the musicianship seems to be the quintessential example of being in the moment with the music? I don't know.

I'm not really a music person. I like lots of music but I don't pursue music in my life and I'm not musically literate. I can't tell you anything about what makes a good song. There's something more than music going on in The Last Waltz, though, and it surprised me with joy.



*Sober Briquette is no longer blogging under that name or I would link to that post for you.

Um... er...

Well, it's been almost three months since I've written anything here. I think that is a clear sign that it is time for me to hang a "Closed Until Further Notice" sign up.

I WANT to write but there is just too much going on.

I will tell you that my experiment in self-binding (see last post) was successful. I finished my master's project and now have a M.S. in Education, Reading. I am also teaching four classes this spring--two at the community college and two at the state university. With that load, I seriously doubt I will have time to write here.

You can find me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/MaryLUE). I have a protected account, so you will have to ask me to approve you. I am also blogging every other Monday at Sleeping with Bread, my blog for doing a form of the Examen.

It's been great, but sometimes you have to take a break from writing about Life, the Universe, and Everything to experience Life, the Universe, and Everything.

Until some unknown time in the future. . .

Everything. . .

I love about my town.

Well, not EVERYTHING but after a post about Life that was followed by a post about the Universe, it was a given what this one would be called.

So here is a list of LOTS of things that I love about my town.

1. The Jacaranda trees that bloom every spring
2. The downtown market that shows how much community we have in our community
3. Frati Gelato! The YUMMIEST gelato and sorbet made by someone who went to gelato school in Italy. Did you KNOW there was such a thing as gelato school?
4. 25 minutes to the beach
5. 45 minutes to the mountains
6. My daughter's alternative, multiage class in a public school
7. Hill!!! Paul and I lived in Texas for almost four years and it was FLAT where we lived. I love our hills.
8. Excellent restaurants. I think we have a surprisingly large number of restaurants that have very good food.
9. Old houses. We have some lovely old houses. I love old houses.
10. Starbucks. I know, I know. Starbucks is so ubiquitous. I don't care. I like not being more than five minutes away from a Starbucks not matter where I am at in town. So sue me.
11. My son's high school. It has excellent programs... the arts, honors, a farm (!), a culinary school, a nationally ranked speech & debate team (and yes, sports). It also is over 100 years old. Again with the old. I like old. Which leads me to. . .
12. Hosted at the 100+ year old high school auditorium, the Orange County Theatre Organ Society shows silent movies accompanied by a Wurlitzer organ. The next showing is Nosferatu, A Symphony of Terror. I think that's pretty cool.

the Universe (Well, not really...)

My last post was about Life. I had intended to write a more complete post about Life, the Universe and Everything but all I could squeak out was the little bit of Life.

And I've been thinking since then that I would try to write this next post about the Universe... and then a post about Everything. But there is a wee problem with that...

Right now my Universe is just so small. All I can see are the proverbial trees and not the forest. There is so much going on right now... issues over health care reform... H1N1 flu preparedness... the continuing recession... and that's just the U.S. I don't have the energy, though, to think too much about those issues. In some part, that is due to how emotionally charged the Internet is. If I were to really try to write about the Universe these days, it would probably have more to do with incivility, a determined mindset to outsnark those who think/act/believe differently from you, the demonizing of "the other," a general unwillingness to ask questions... and most of all, a complete abundance of Absolute Certainty. It exhausts me--all this Certainty.

I am living with too many certainties... including those age old favorites: death and taxes. I received a long, long document from the lawyer for my mom's estate. I haven't been able to make myself go through it yet. I've just peeked at it enough to see that I need three years of tax returns for my mom--but she didn't keep any of those records. I have to set up a separate bank account in the name of the estate--but there's no money to put in it. When I set my mind to these issue, my body rebels. I feel a tightening in my chest, a queasiness in my stomach. I get a very clear picture of an ostrich with its head firmly buried in the ground.

All that and the pressure of deadlines for grad school... kids who need their mother to be emotionally present... the ongoing challenges of my father's estate... a house that's fit for How Clean is Your House... knees that have gone wonky, preventing me from doing any real amount of exercise.

And I cannot STAND writing about all this... because I think I sound like a big, whiny child... because I am feeling so crappy about it all that I cannot balance it--like I usually can--with the sunny side of things. I function in two modes: Denial or Depression. (Before I get a bunch of worried comments and emails, I HAVE started seeing a therapist--just last week.)

I KNOW things will get better. I KNOW this is all temporary. This knowledge comes from two things: my Faith in Christ and my previous experience when Life has overwhelmed me. I know that however long it takes, it will just be a portion of my life--not the entirety of it.

In the meantime, the Universe will have to wait.

Life: September 2, 2009

Life

Death certificates… forwarded mail… letters from banks… just a few of the things Life brings you when there is a death in the family.

Emergency card forms… homework folders… payments for lunch accounts… just a few of the things Life brings you when a new school year begins.

Ash from fires miles away… air conditioners running incessantly… tears and tempers… just a few of the things Life brings you when the traditional end of summer heat wave arrives.

Lunch with friends… talks in restaurant parking lots and the phone… greetings on Facebook… encouraging tweets… just a few of the things Life brings you when you are experiencing the above.

Sadness… gratitude… restlessness… confusion… anger… lethargy… avoidance… many of the feelings I've been having as I live this Life right now.

Gather Ye Rosebuds...

...I was going to quote this famous poem by this poet for this post. I was just thinking of it in terms of wishing I had made some different choices in my youth. Instead, I am now having to deal with and accept the fact that my body just isn't going to do what it could have years ago.

So I looked up the poem and read it and I'm thinking, oh yes, this will be good.

And then I read some of the commentary about what certain words meant in Victorian times and decided... nah, I'm not gonna do that. Instead, I'll stick with the metaphor my doctor used... the age old story of the tortoise and the hare.

At 20something, if I had decided I was going to work hard to get into shape, I could have worked out hard and often and seen quick results.

At 40something, I decided to work hard to get into shape. My body screamed NO WAY in the form of shin splints and a painful knee. I talked to the chiropractor about the shin splints and came up with a plan. I talked to the doctor about the knee and he obliterated my plan.

No jumping jacks.
No jumping rope.
No lunges.
No daily exercise.

Now, this wouldn't be necessary if I was already accustomed to exercising. It's the fact that I am 44 and grossly out of shape combined that are making my knee hurt. There is no specific injury to it. It is just getting worn out. Nothing is going to change that.

Instead, here is my new plan: Aleve once a day while the knee hurts. Once the knee stops hurting, I can do fitness walking for 10 minutes at a time, three times per week.

30 minutes a week for cardio.

If I do that for a month and my knee doesn't hurt, I can add two minutes to each session. Two minutes. Not five. Definitely not ten. I'm not strictly limited to walking. Dr. LUE says that (for me) legs are for walking, stationary bikes, elliptical trainers (maybe), and swimming.

This new plan is depressing. I need to lose weight and exercise because I am not feeling well and a number of the issues that are contributing to that are weight/fitness related. I want to make some good progress--NOW. But Dr. LUE says that I need to look at the long term picture. I need to be the tortoise, not the hare.

So if you see a tortoise gathering rosebuds by the side of the road... that will be me. Wish me luck!

Ballet Shoes

Because I decided that my entire family should suffer through the most intense grad school semester I could pull together, I decided to do something special for Marley--a mother-daughter experience--before I get buried in school-related stuff. We hosted a mother-daughter book club party today. We chose to read Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield. We evited a few friends and read the book. For ages 9-12, the book was more than Marley could handle on her own, so I read it out loud to her. We didn't begin as early as we should, so we ended up reading 1-3 chapters a day for 10 days or so.

Marley enjoyed the book very much and I took advantage of her willingness to sit and listen to work on her comprehension skills. Every night that we read, we did a mini-review of the main points of each chapter. Granted, by the 15th chapter, we only covered the most recent chapters and didn't go back all the way to chapter one.  We read the last 18 pages just two hours before our guests were due to arrive.

I really wanted this to be something different for Marley. I wanted her to experience reading and discussing a good book, but I also thought my social butterfly needed some friends around her to enhance the experience... and a craft. Marley dearly loves a craft. I tweeted and facebook status'd for help and Veronica over at Toddled Dredge came through with No Sew Tutus. My in-laws scoured thrift stores for china cups and saucers. Ballet Shoes takes place in 1930s London, so of course, tea was the refreshment of the day. Used teacups are cheap and who cares if they break? The local bakery was the source for yummy tarts and petit fours. Sticky Fingers Scone mix was used for plain and chocolate chip scones. There was lemonade for the girls and tea and coffee for the moms. The final touch was 20s and 30s music courtesy of internet radio. 

Before our guests arrived, I gave Marley a crash course on hostessing. The hosts pick last. Hosts offer to take the moms' purses. The hosts offer refreshments. She did a wonderful job although her discussion faciliation was rather interesting. She tended to interrupt to move on to the next question or to share her own point of view.  As it became time for our guests to leave, Marley was a little too enthusiastic in her goodbyes. She was to go home with one of her friends for an overnighter and had her bagged pack and slung over her shoulder, ready to move on to the next experience!

Yesterday, Marley and I took some time to have discussion questions ready. We asked about favorite characters and events in the book. We considered what type of conversations we might want to have with the characters. Marley was very interested in asking what Great Uncle Matthew collected (Fossils!!!!) and wondering if everyone knew what GUM meant (Great Uncle Matthew!!!!).  My favorite question that Marley came up with, is "If you had influenza, what would you do... take medicine or not?" The girls very enthusiastically shared their thoughts and opinions. Marley had passed out questions to each of them so they could take turns. Seriously, it was just too cute. Of course, my cynical teenager had to tell me tonight that he didn't want to hurt my feelings but the party today was the DUMBEST THING EVER. I laughed at him because what else would a teenage boy think about a 1930s themed, mother-daughter book club party?

Here's a slideshow of our party. Because I don't have permission, I am only posting pictures of Marley, the tutus, the teacups. If you have a daughter, I highly recommend hosting a book club. After the discussion, the girls talked and decided that for their NEXT book club, they would read Theater Shoes, also by Noel Streatfield. When a party gets kids excited about reading, that's a very good thing! (Of course, I don't know if the moms are ready for another 200+ page book read. The girls might have to wait for a couple of months!

Lessons in Career Advancement

In a move sure to impress my (hopefully) future employers, I forgot about a mandatory meeting for my new internship.

Don't gasp too loudly, I didn't miss the meeting. I just replied to an email from the head of the program that hires the interns with a "What meeting?"  Five minutes later, an all intern email memo went out reminding everyone of the meeting and the importance of attending all mandatory meetings.

I am equal parts relieved to have not actually missed the meeting and red-faced(Schrute beet red) about forgetting it in the first place. 

Sleeping with Bread: Leavened and Unleavened Bread

LEAVEN

From Wikipedia: A leavening agent (sometimes called just leavening or leaven) is a substance used in doughs and batters that causes a foaming action intended to lighten and soften the finished product.

From Dictionary.com

leav⋅en   [lev-uhn]  
–noun
1. a substance, as yeast or baking powder, that causes fermentation and expansion of dough or batter.
2. fermented dough reserved for producing fermentation in a new batch of dough.
3. an element that produces an altering or transforming influence.
–verb (used with object)
4. to add leaven to (dough or batter) and cause to rise.
5. to permeate with an altering or transforming element.

I've struggled with my last Sleeping with Bread posts. (I've actually struggled with blogging at all.) Part of problem is a general sense of feeling overwhelmed.  At various times over the last year, I've written a little about how some things need to change in my life... diet, exercise, spiritual exercises. Well, it is related to that, but also to a lot of other circumstances. Paul and I had a little discussion about it over lunch today. I'm grateful that he is completely sympathetic to me right now. He sees that life has something of a stranglehold on me right now.

So, as I considered the question for today's SWB post, I thought about the word leaven. It really explains where I am at right now. Life feels unleavened. All the ingredients are there... flour, salt, water... These are my family, my friends, my community, my faith. I cannot really complain about these things. I am blessed in so many ways.

But the leaven is missing.  The bit of life that lighten and softens me... that alters or transforms my life... that brings consolation... that allows me to appreciate and make something more of my ingredients.

I think there are two important things to consider. The first is that I am truly in a time where the external circumstances of my life are stressful. School (torture I chose) and issues which have come up since my father's death last April (torture I did not choose). Anyone, under similar circumstances, might experience what we Christians sometimes call "a valley experience." ("Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...") The other important aspect of all this is the physical component. As in the preceding paragraphs, some of these things I have "chosen" in the sense that I have some control over them (diet, exercise) and some just happened to me (sleep apnea, hormonal issues).

Either way, here I sit, typing away, feeling flat and heavy when I would rather feel light and airy. My challenge is discerning how much I can "do" something about and how much I can't. I have this list in my head of all the things I could do... exercise five days a week, go on a diet, lose weight, spend an hour a day in spiritual contemplation, conquer the sleep apnea machine--all while making sure my family isn't neglected. (See... it really is overwhelming.) What do I really tackle? What do I leave alone for now? How do I push through when the hormone-induced migraines or insomnia make me want to curl up and ignore the world that beating at my door?

It is somewhat paralyzing, knowing where to start. I have some hopes and ideas of where to go and what to focus on. I have one friend on call as my cheerleader/personal trainer/coach and all around nag encourager for the coming semester. (I got your card today, Michelle. Thanks!) Paul and I talked today about prioritizing what I need to do between now and the spring semester. I can make a better effort work on my bits that need more discipline.

As for the rest... well, as I referenced Psalm 23 earlier, another part of that verse comes in handy now, "...He restores my soul." Because that is what I think I am talking about when I say my leaven is missing--that restoration of my soul at a time when it has been depleted. I'll depend on it.

Psalm 23

 1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

 3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

 4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

 5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Sleeping with Bread: the Highs and Lows of Parenting

The Highs...

A few weeks ago, I shared the drama\trama that was The Class Play. Marley was cast in a role that she did not like and there was much weeping (hers) and gnashing of teeth (mine). A lot of listening, some "discussion," and one bribe later and Marley was willing to give it a go.

Last week we witnessed the fruits of our efforts to persuade and her hard work. There were six performances of the play. Marley did very well and a couple of moms actually came up to her and told her that she and her fictional son were their favorite part of the play. Of course they whispered this to her because they didn't want her own kids to hear their disloyalty.

It was an exhausting week to be perfectly honest. Getting Marley in and out of her costume and helping with mics... then having getting to watch the show for all six performances. (They did do a great job, but still--six times is at least four too many.)  I am very proud of her though.  She did her German accent and hysterical mommy of a chocolate fudge boy bit very well.  She knew her lines and blocking.  She endured having medical tape applied and removed multiple times. (It hurts!) It really was hard work.

I'm posting a couple of pictures. I didn't get too many but when I get more from other parents I'll ask permission to share. The kindergarteners and first graders are a must see. The kinders were candy and the first graders were the Oompa-Loompas. You will just die from all the cuteness.

Mrs. Gloop and her little snausage-vausage,

Augustus in front of the vat of chocolate.

Marley gets her mic checked.  She was being a little silly because

the sound guy wanted her to do jumping jacks.  This was before the second morning's performance and the kids were a little tired.

You can see why I don't have more pictures of my kids. 

This is their attitude toward having their pictures taken.

We did not get through the week without bribes

of chewing gum and soda in exchange for smiles.

the Lows...

In very, very sad news, we lost a member of our church this past week. His death was sudden and unexpected and it has left many of his friends in shock and sadness. Although I have known J. for years, I wasn't really more than an acquaintance. He was friends with many of my friends, though. I knew his parents years ago at our old church. As a parent, I cannot help but think about how I would feel if it were my child who died.

J. was supposed to play drums at church this past Sunday and so there was an empty drum kit that served as an extra reminder of our loss. The theme for this Sunday was Love for the second week of Advent. (We are a week off the regular schedule, I think.) I had been asked to do the Scripture reading and a meditation. I was somewhat at a loss for words but was able to find a passage from a book that had some words appropriate to both Advent and the loss.

I am thinking of J.s friends and family every day. I hope that the they are able to find comfort in each other and God at this time. I know loss... but not one as close as this one is to them. My heart aches for them, truly. I am also extremely grateful to have my family with me, safe and sound.

I'll end this with a particular Scripture that came up multiple times on Sunday. Without any discussion or coordination, it was in one of the songs we sang, in my meditation and in the communion meditation. I've been in a King James kind of mood so I'll use that version, from Romans 8:38-39...

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The State of the Blogger Address

DeEDMo is, indeed, DeaDMo.  I haven't exercised since those sit-ups, although I can claim busyness of an extreme nature.  I won't have succeeded in exercising daily in December, but I am getting back on track--today.  Between a 10 a.m. meeting and a 7 p.m. gymnastics lesson for Marley, I don't have much on the books.  Exercise will happen today. 

For all intents and purposes, my semester is over!!!!!!  There are one or two little details to finish up--a reflective journal entry to write for the program and a meeting with one instructor to go over the key assignment--but the real work is done.  Yippee!!!!

Finally, this is what greeted me on my home page this morning:

Looks like this blogger has some reading to do over the next couple of weeks.

I have sober briquette to thank for this...

In my 28th NaBloPoMo post, I made a comment about not being able to do anything for 30 days that I really needed to do, but I could get NaBloPoMo accomplished.

Sober briquette commented on that commented by saying that, "...now you know that if you made the commitment to exercise every day, you could do it."

Gee thanks!  Now I keep thinking about that and feeling like I should do something about it.  Of course, what better way to hold myself accountable than by announcing it on this blog.  (Shhh... I know I have announced good intentions in the past.  Shhh!)  Taking NaBloPoMo as my inspiration, I am creating my one woman challenge: December Exercise Daily Month or DeEDMo.  I had to add that extra 'e' or else it would day DEDMo and I didn't like the sound of that!

My commitment is very low key.  I will do some form of exercise every day in December.  It might be my AM/PM stretch DVD or a quick walk around the block.  I may get inspired and go for a really long walk.  Somehow though, something will get done.  Hopefully I will see enough benefit to see me to January when I will hopefully begin a proper exercise program.  I have a hard time seeing myself being successful at school next semester if I am not feeling more energetic.

So, DeEDMo is a challenge for myself.  I am not making badges, buttons, or dohickies of any sort. If someone wanted to join me that would be great.  I love company.  Either way, I will post my daily bit.  The side bar is kind of full right now, so I will probably just do a quick post on days I am not already posting.  

I've already done today's exercise (and I did exercise yesterday).  Here is my official tally:

December 1, AM Stretch workout (25 minutes)

December 2, AM Stretch workout (25 minutes)

Wish me luck!

Sleeping with Bread: with Thanks and No Thanks

Thanksgiving week lends itself to examen questions of gratitude. One less decision to make. I like it.

In the last week, when did you feel most grateful?

Well, I didn't have to cook on Thanksgiving. We did have to work on the house, but we worked a little throughout the week and some that morning (mostly Paul) and it all worked out. The day was relaxing and yummy.

I also felt grateful for lots of birthday wishes. Facebook is awesome if you like people wishing you a happy birthday. I had a lot of wall messages, a couple of phone calls, a few birthday presents. My friend Julie made me a birthday dinner when we all were at their house on Friday... salmon, steak, mashed potatoes and more. YUMMY!

I was very, very thankful for Colin and Paul. For reasons to be disclosed in the next section, I was not that productive. Paul kept busy on the kitchen and other parts of the house. Colin did quite a bit of picking up, some vacuuming, and other odds and ends. All without complaint. That is deserving of the Nobel Atypical Teenage Behavior Prize.

In the last week, when did you feel the least grateful?

Let's see. Marley was sick on Tuesday and Wednesday, so Tuesday night I was up with her a lot. Her moans from a high fever woke me up every couple of hours. She will not take ibuprofen or acetaminophen right now. It is sooooo frustrating. I also had a paper due on Wednesday, which was my fault because it was due the Wednesday before. I had been very busy and under the weather due to a migraine, so I asked for an extension. Picture me tired and settling into my paper on Wednesday, early afternoon, when a migraine strikes. Again. Within two weeks. I actually laughed. Welcome to the LUE House, otherwise known as the Theater of the Absurd. I wasn't laughing a few hours later after pushing through to get my paper done. It knocked me out. I wasn't moving too quickly on Thursday but was able to enjoy the day. Friday found the LUE family on their way to see friends. After being there for a couple of hours, BAM!, Migraine 3. I grabbed my meds, drank two cups of coffee, and persevered. I had to lay down a couple of times but managed. Since then I have not felt well. Sensitive to light, headache-y and nauseous.

When I get into a migraine cycle like this, I start to get very depressed. I can handle one once in awhile, but so close together I have this frustration with getting so many and then a fear of getting another one. Right now, I have too much to do to. I can't keep getting these migraines. I need two good weeks. Two weeks. I had plans on getting at least a few things done for school over the break but I got nothing done. I even missed my class tonight because I wasn't up to it.

But still...

I am feeling better tonight. The hormone fluctuations should not present a problem for the next few weeks. Fingers crossed and a lot of prayer and I will get through this. (I actually went forward in church for prayer. I never do that!)

My Fastest Post Ever

Not necessarily in this order:

It's my birthday today.

44 years old.

New iPod Nano 4th gen.

Up and down all last night with sick daughter.

Paper finished finally.  Any good?  Who knows.

Migraine.  (Seriously?  On my birthday?)

Too embarassed to Twitter migraine status since I was so busy Twittering my daughter's temperature fluctuations.

Newly met niece called me to wish me a happy birthday.  Very sweet.

Facebook friends give me greetings galore.  Thanks.

Ugh.  My head.

Hosting Thanksgiving at our house.  Need to clean.

My head.  Ugh.

What a day for a birthday.  Still it could be worse.  I could have had to evacuate due to the rain like my friend did (at 2 am!)

Signing off.

26 down, 4 to go

A title escapes me...

but those ever favored ellipses do not! (Really, I don't what it is about those little dots, but I just love 'em!)

I am dead on my feet tonight and I just remembered I owe the NaBloPoMo gods a post sacrifice. I guess the title could have been Mary vs. the Volcano! I do feel like I have a brain cloud.

As tired as I am, I am feeling well tonight. The tiredness is from a few days of messed up sleep. I took a nap at 10 am yesterday. 10 am!! I slept for 2 1/2 hours, so it is little wonder that I did not go to sleep until after 1 am. I kept myself busy tonight and refused to take a nap. Maybe I'll get to sleep before midnight. Woo Hoo!!

There is good news to report on the Mrs. Gloop front. Marley worked on her lines this morning before I woke up and then we worked on them together before she left for school. She was excited to get to school because it was her day, along with the other third graders, to work with the director. I was optimistic that she had processed most of her disappointment (at least until it was time for the padded costume.)

I had decided to talk with the teachers to give them a heads up about what had happened last night and to ask them to keep an eye on her for me. I went to pick her up early, hoping to find my chance to talk to one or both of her teachers. The kids were still in the multi-purpose room working with Mrs. S., the director. Mrs. J., one of her teachers, saw me and approached me. She told me, without my even saying anything yet, that Marley was doing a great job so far. She and her little (not so) Augustus had made all the kids and teachers laugh with their performance. Mrs. J. said she thought that Marley and her fictional son were going to be the funniest part of the play.

Granted, it is just the first day of rehearsal, but I am so happy to hear that Marley was really going for it today. During lunch, which the third grade girls eat with the teachers every Friday, the other girls and the teachers all complimented her on her performance. Mrs. J. said that you could see Marley pick herself up and hold her body differently. (Doesn't that make you want to cry happy tears?)

I still explained to Mrs. J. the drama of the night before, and she will watch Marley to make sure she isn't having a hard time. My hope, though, is that the positive reinforcement and success she experiences will get us through. Mrs. J. also said that she will talk to the director about the degree of padding Mrs. Gloop requires. Marley is smaller than her "son" and Mrs. J. is thinking the contrast of a taller and chubbier Augustus and a shorter, thinner Mrs. Gloop might actually be funnier. I want to balance being sympathetic to Marley with helping her see that some things just have to be done a certain way, so if she has to wear the padded suit, so be it. Right after I finished talking to Mrs. J., my friend Rebecca leaned over to tell me that Marley was doing such a great job, she was so funny, etc. Yeah! More positive feedback!

After school as Marley and I were walking to the car, I talked to her a little about how she felt and explained that I had received a glowing report from Mrs. J. She played it very casual but then told me, "Mrs. S. said I was funny, too." You have to know Mrs. S. and how the children view her to know that this was a big deal. I was also able to give Marley some good, albeit tempered, good news. Mrs. J. is pretty certain that Marley will wear a mic for the show!

I could tell that I needed to start pulling back and stop talking about it. She was going to get self-conscious about it, but what a turnaround! We may still have some bumpy moments--she isn't all that happy about one scene where she has to squish her son's cheeks--but I am very optimistic and relieved... and grateful for my friends (bloggy and otherwise) who listen to me, Marley's teachers and classmates who encouraged her, Paul who was as much at a loss as I was but supported my instinctive, flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants parenting.

Mostly I am proud of Marley, first, for being honest about how she felt.  I never really explained that for all the drama, she did a pretty good job of using her 'I' statements.  I feel sad, It hurts my feelings, etc.  She pulled herself together and had such a positive attitude.  I can't wait to see her performance in a few weeks.

14 down, 16 to do 

Tales of a Third Grade Extra

Marley has been cast as Mrs. Gloop, the mother of Augustus Gloop, in her class production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. She had her heart set on the role of Veruca Salt but seemed to accept yesterday her given role.

That was yesterday. Today, after the play meeting, she dissolved into hysterical tears. She doesn't want to wear a padded costume (the Gloops are a hefty family), she doesn't want to take German language classes (I tried to explain she just had to say her lines with an accent), she was upset that she NEVER gets an important part, and the ultimate insult? She doesn't think she is going to be one of the children chosen to wear a mic.  (She might get mic'd but without knowing for sure I wasn't going to get her hopes up.)

Seriously. What's a mom to do? The third graders get the "bigger" parts. The kinders are going to be candy, the first graders and a few second graders are the Oompa Loompas and all the other roles are divided among the rest of the second and third graders. Marley is not the best actress or singer of the bunch. She got an appropriate role. She got a role with more lines than the previous year. But she is devastated.

This is no my strong suit as a parent. On one hand, I understand why she is upset. Getting to wear the mics is something all the children covet. She's not stupid; she knows that Mrs. Gloop is not a key role. She wants to be a star. On the other hand, every person can't be the star. There are other kids who are more talented--or at least louder. She is a part of a community and this is not the first time she is going to be disappointed with her part, whether it be on stage or in life. Do I tough love it or just lend a sympathetic ear.  Do I do some combination of both?

I probably spent 10 minutes just watching her cry and feeling a combination of helpless and frustrated. Finally, I pulled out the big guns: bribery. I know, I know, it is the evil parenting technique designed to spoil your children and give them a sense of entitlement that will hinder their every relationship.

BUT (watch me defend myself here)...

This is not a common practice of ours.
This is not an everyday experience of hers.
I didn't know what else to do.

I told her that I understood why she was upset, but that the director gives out the roles and there is nothing we can do about it. I said we could talk to her teachers so they at least knew she was sad; however, her teachers would not change her role. I told her that if she cooperated with her part, practiced saying her part in a German accent, cooperated with the padded costume, and exhibited a good attitude, we would buy her a new Nintendo DS game.

She sobbed and sniffed a little more, but it wasn't too long before she started quizzing me. Could it be a new game and not a used game? Could it be any game she wanted? Could we go get it today after we ran her lines?

Great. Another dilemma. Another parental cave in. After telling her that the point of a reward is to get it at the end so that her cooperation was insured, I decided that I couldn't take looking at her tear-streaked face. I am such a sucker. (Paul will agree with me.) We compromised and she knows that if, at any point, she doesn't cooperate, she will have the game taken away. (And I know I will follow through with that--no problem.)

As I type this, she is sitting on the living room floor trying to figure out how to buy another puppy on Nintendogs: Lab and Friends. In a few minutes, we'll run through her lines again. She needs to practice saying "I vant" instead of "I want." Wish us luck!

13 down, 17 to go

Theory to Practice

This semester I am taking a class called The Diagnostic-Prescriptive Model of Teaching Reading. Its premise is that the appropriate assessment of students with reading difficulties (diagnostics) can then allow the teacher to address reading problems more precisely (prescription).

The class is a lot of work. At the beginning of the semester, I was assigned a student. Each week I spend time administering assessments and tutoring her in areas of word recognition, fluency, vocabulary, comprehension, etc. I then spend two to three hours in lecture and discussion. During the week, there are chapters to read, lessons to prepare, and theory to practice cards to write.

Theory to practice. This is a difficulty for me. Not the actual theory to practice cards. Those are really still theoretical in nature. Pick a topic (sight words, meaning vocabulary, etc.), write down the research and some practical classroom applications for both large and small groups.

No, it is the actual theory to practice that is distressing me. Each week as I prepare my lesson plan, I worry and fret over the choices I am making. Will this work? Will that work? Am I helping her? Almost every week in my reflection journal (oh yeah, more work), I express my lack of confidence.

Ironically, as I have been reading my chapters today, I was comforted by the text itself. There were two main ideas which helped. One directed at students and one directed at teachers. First, there was the idea that self-concept (the educational term for what most of us would call self-esteem) is not improved through praise but through self-efficacy. As students have success and make progress, their self-concept increases, which in turn increases their motivation, and so on and so on. I think it is good that I am concerned about my ability to tutor a struggling reader. I have no practical experience to this point. I am going to make mistakes. It is supposed to be difficult. Yet, as I get feedback from my instructor, make mistakes, have successes, I will get better at it and feel better about how I am doing.  It's why I am in school... to learn something.

Next, there were these words written to the reader:

Academic courses and texts can merely set one on the path to professional competence. Becoming a "strategic teacher" is a lifelong developmental process. in time, veteran teachers reflect wisdom as well as academic knowledge in their instructional and management decisions. (Manzo, Manzo & Albee)

It is helpful for me to be reminded that what I am trying to do is difficult, is worth doing well, and that it does not happen overnight. And if they are writing this in the textbook, I am obviously not the sole student who needs to know this.  I know more and can do more now than I could at the beginning of the semester. In five years, I will know more and be able to do more as an instructor than I can do now.  

The problem I often have in life is the same as I am having in this class.  Theory to practice.  I can analyze life, the universe and everything, but living it and experiencing it is another matter.  I may not always feel good about myself, but as I take risks and challenge myself, I feel better.  And, hopefully, my learning how to live well will be a lifelong process.  A process in which, with time, I will gain the experience to make wise and knowledgeable decisions.

With time and effort.

~~~~~ooOoo~~~~~

Today is November 1st--the first day of National Blog Posting Month (one post per day, each day in November).  I participated a couple of years ago.  It was very challenging and I stressed myself out, but I also tried some creative writing that I never would have tried if it weren't for the pressue of writing something every day.  I skipped last year because of school.  On an impulse... and I mean an impulse I had one hour ago, I decided to participate this year.  Maybe I'm crazy.  Maybe I'm not.  Either way, I have...

1 down, 29 to go

 

I don't know what to think about this...

As a woman who named her blog after one of Douglas Adams' books, I just don't know what to think about this announcement. Eoin Colfer is writing the sixth book to the Hitchhiker's Guide series.

Oh dear.

Can ANYONE do justice to the Hitchhiker series?

I've heard of these Artemis Fowl books, but is Colfer the right man to try?

I don't know...

I DON'T KNOW!!!!

The only thing I do know is that 42 is still the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything.