Reader's Block

I was sitting with my sister-in-law a few weeks ago and we were talking about life, the universe and everything. I told her that I have not finished a book since June. She looked at me and told me that she was the same way after her dad died. (Most of you know that my mom died in July.) I've been thinking about it a lot and wondering just WHY is that the case? Is it just (JUST!) the grief? I've not been all that "efficient" at reading for the last couple of years. Grad school and Web 2.0 seems to have taken quite a bit of my reading energy. The only other time I remember going so long without finishing a book was when my son was born. Back then, I didn't even start a book. Now, I start a book but don't get it finished.

Here's a sample of books I've started:

Three Bags Full by Leonie Swann

Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

The Lord is My Shepherd by Harold Kushner

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell

The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver

Those poor books! They don't deserve to be neglected like this. I think a need a prescription from the doctor that says I HAVE to read for 30 minutes a day. No matter what. Not that I do everything my doctor tells me to do.

Anyway, I was just wondering have any of you ever experienced Reader's Block? If so, do you know what caused it? How long did it last? Do you remember the first books you read after your reading slump was over?

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Cross posted at T-Dot Bloggers Book Club.

Into the Celebrity Fray

I'm not much for blogging about celebrities.  There are a few reasons for this but the most important is that I am not clever enough to pull it off.  I've written the odd post about Paris Hilton (as a wordsmith) or Mel Gibson (as a drunk driver) but for the most part I am content to let others be clever and I laugh.

Today, though, I read a more serious article about Michelle Williams and her grief over the death of Heath Ledger.  I think one reason this article stood out to me today is that I've had a few conversations with people about grief lately.  (The caveat here is that I take everything I read online about a celebrity with more than a grain of salt.  For the sake of this post, let's assume she was accurately quoted in a reasonable context.)  

When asked about how she was doing, she said this:

"I guess it's always changing," Michelle finally offers. "What else can I say? I just wake up each day in a slightly different place -- grief is like a moving river, so that's what I mean by 'it's always changing.'"

Then, as her eyes well up again, she notes, "It's a strange thing to say, because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways, it gets worse. That's what I would say."

I knew someone once whose young daughter died unexpectedly. About a year later, he and I were talking and he said that someone had, in frustration, said to him, "It's been a year."  My friend looked at his friend and said, "Yes.  It's been a year.  I haven't got to see my daughter in a year!"  I'm not sure how easy that idea is to understand unless you've lost someone.  The best way I can describe it is to imagine that your child/spouse/friend is somewhere and you can't see them or talk to them in any way.  Would a year seem like a long time?  Would it be hard to go that long?  Should you be over not talking to them after that long?

I know that things get better after you suffer a loss--eventually. I know that.  It is a years-long process, though.  Not a months long one.  However, I think that unless you've experienced it, you cannot grasp the enormity of it all. I am sorry for Michelle William's and her daughter's loss.  I'm glad though, that she shared so openly about it. I hope that her words reach out to others who have experienced it.  People who can say, "A moving river! Yes, grief is a moving river.  It is always changing."  I hope there will be a little comfort for them to know that someone understands.

(I have suffered many losses and have written about them ad nauseum, but I haven't lost a child, spouse or close parent.  I don't want to compare my losses to that of a child or spouse or close parent.  Without taking away from the signficance of my grief, I think those losses are more significant in a way than mine.)

25 down, 5 to go

This post brought to you hours early by my daughter's sore throat/fever and my son's stomach ache. I was afraid if I waited until later to post, I would miss the deadline due to vomitus eruptus.