The Readers Have Spoken...

(edited to include a post link)

...but I still haven't made up my mind.

The poll results were pretty much split down the middle, so I guess at least that is validation that this isn't an easy decision to make.

While I was waiting to meet with my grad advisor, I ended up speaking with a professor who is going to be on my project committee.  She suggested taking the research class and using the key project for that class, a lit review, as my review for the project.

Then I met with my advisor who said that the type of review in that class isn't the type of review I need for my project and that the timing might not work.  The research class paper is due toward the end of the semester, but the lit review of my project will be due my mid-March.

See, even my professors can't agree!

I did talk more with professor number one and she did have a good idea for me for my tutoring class.  Instead of working with the wee ones (elementary), I can do an independent study version at a community college.  This would be in addition to the internship I am doing, but it would be more experience AND a professional reference.  The reference is important because I need four references to graduate, two professorial and two professional.  Because I don't currently work in the field, I am a little stymied in that area.  This will fulfill multiple obligations for me.

Thinking about doing work on two different community college campuses (it can't be at the same one) and writing my project has me reconsidering the extra class.  Professor One--who I tell you is so full of insight and behind-the-scenes information--told me she can get me into a cohort with the reading department.  A cohort is a group of teachers who are all going through the program together off site.  The class would be online, but it would be all reading students and taught by a teacher who works well with the reading department.  I think that might be nice.

Thank you all for your input.  It isn't possible to work ahead in the research class, but if I work ahead on the project during the winter break, it would make taking the extra class more possible.  I do need to balance how the family will be affected and not just my own desire to finish.  If I wait, it will only make seven weeks difference.  One week in between the end of the semester and the start of summer school and then six weeks of summer school.  I will finish the first week of July and still have about five weeks off before work begins.  

So, at this point, I haven't officially decided but am not going to register for the class right now. If Professor One can get me into a cohort for the spring AND I make some good progress on my project in the meantime, maybe I will take the class.  By delaying, I'll have a better feel for how I am feeling physically, etc.

I was going to talk about other stuff today, but felt like I should follow up with the school thing.  I've been having some insomnia, which is a common occurrence during a certain time of the month.  I also have insomnia when there is anything on my mind.  This past week, the disharmonic convergence of both hormones and issues has kept me up some nights.  In the middle of the night, when I am tossing and turning, I am brilliantly eloquent and can think of all sorts of wonderful ways to communicate what I am thinking and feeling.  In the morning?  Not so much.

Will I ever end up writing about it?  I don't know.  I think I am feeling uncomfortable with some of the "discussions" going on in the blog'verse these days.  With all the talk about California and Proposition 8, there has been some language used that I am saddened about.  People are talking about hate and being clever and passionate and emphatic and talking about love and then going on to say that people who voted for Proposition 8 are hateful, unfeeling, unthinking, illogical people.  It is frustrating for me.  Regardless of your position on the issue of same sex marriage and homosexuality, dialog is not encouraged by painting a portrait of so many people with just a few broad strokes.  It does not do credit to either side--at least not to me.  I can only speak for myself.

I did have one very positive experience at one blog friend's place.  I took a chance and stated my thoughts on the issue and she responded wonderfully.  Did I change her mind?  I doubt it.  I wasn't really trying to.  I just wanted to share a different perspective.  Thankfully, she listened, asked some questions and then listened some more.  To my friend: Thank you.  I can't tell you how wonderful that was. 

My insomnia, though, is linked to more than just political issues.  It is also linked to past situations, unresolved relationships.  What the past and politics has in common for me though is the feelings that come up.  I feel silenced--by my own fears and desire to avoid conflict, by the knowledge that sometimes speaking up is not the right thing to do, by my belief that sometimes it just won't do any good.

Can you believe that the personal part of all this is coming up because of Facebook? I keep getting these "You might know so-and-so" messages.  So-and-so's I have issues with.  So-and-so's I never got to have my say with.  I am also reading parts of conversations between people I know and the people they know.  Sometimes those wall-to-wall conversations talk about things that make me angry--or sad--or whatever.  These people are not doing anything wrong. Because of Facebook's open forum, I am eavesdropping in a way.  It has just made me realize how much I have just moved on without thoroughly processing.  There will never be perfect understanding and reconciliation, but I have a responsibility to myself to deal with my feelings. (Kind of sucks, but that's the way it is.)

On a more positive note, here is one man's blog project that I appreciate:

from52to48withlove 

Until tomorrow,

12 down, 18 to go