Monday, September 10, 2007

Sleeping with What?

For those of you who are newish to my little universe, I have a meme that I started called Sleeping with Bread. Examining that which gives me consolation and that which causes me desolation is one way to keep me grounded and grateful. I actually set up a blog dedicated to linking up other Sleeping with Bread posts. This summer I took a little sabbatical from my weekly baking. For an extremely unstructured person, I was feeling a little burned out--not on the exercise but on the weekly execution of it. It is time to get back in the habit, though. A few new people have started participating and while my schedule is crazy right now, I think it is healthy for me to take the time to reflect, even when I feel I don't have the time--especially then.

So, this week, I look back and consider when I felt the most fragmented and when I felt the most whole.

Feeling Fragmented

This is easy. How about every day of the week? The weight of a lot of new responsibilities has been weighing on me heavily and evidencing itself in a nervous stomach, irritability and mixing up my words. I'm letting things get to me that I shouldn't and I'm not opening myself up to things that I should. It sucks.

Feeling Whole

Two things stand out to me from this past week. One, I felt most whole when I finally sent myself to my room to spend some time with God. I indulged in two books, Celtic Daily Prayer and Sacred Space. I journaled my responses (in a journal that hadn't been touched in too, too long). I breathed in. I exhaled out. I set aside the worries of my days and acknowledged that I was allowing my fragmented feelings to take control and let in other feelings of anger and bitterness. I asked God for his help. (What a novel concept!) Now, I just have to accept it.

The second thing is a simple one. I took my son and three of his friends to go swimming at the university pool. Our family went several times this summer and Colin was looking forward to sharing the experience with his friends. (The big appeal is the diving pool with two regular diving boards and one high dive.) He'd tried to work things out a few times but I was too busy with unexpected things which came up. I felt whole because I was getting a chance to give my son something he wanted and because of the joy I felt in just watching these adolescent boys go crazy in that pool. Front flips, back flips, cannonballs. They did it all--over and over again. The in-the-moment joy they experienced transmitted itself to me. My heart felt lifted and lightweight.

If you are interested in finding out more about Sleeping with Bread, you can go to the SWB blog or check out Sleeping with Bread: Holding What Gives You Life. There is also an excellent version for children called Making Heart-bread. What I especially love about the children's version is that I think it is also an excellent tool for helping children learn to recognized their emotions.

Sleeping with Bread is a Christian exercise but it isn't Christian only. I encourage you to try it. I think you'll like it.


atypical said...

I haven't read this yet, but I just have to LOL first. I just finished posting my first bread in I don't know how long, and I popped over here to find? Bread! LOL

Off to read your post so I am sure I will comment again in a minute.

atypical said...

Twins I tell you! I am so there with you on the fragmentation (and the 'novel' concept). Goodness, sometimes I wish we lived next door to each other. At least then I could help you do your homework ;) and someone else might hear the alarm ringing in the morning if I missed it. Then again, someone else would hear how short my temper can actually get sometimes. :)

Glad you are baking again.


Her Bad Mother said...

it sounds lovely, really. will go check it out.

Beck said...

I've never checked it out, believe it or not. And now I will.

Julie Pippert said...

Feeling could be writing my life. Every day too frequently I feel like Not Enough---and worse, people respond to me that way. What have I done to set up the expectation around me that I will always be there instantly to answer every call? So I hit the No stage and wow, bad feedback too often for my taste. And yes, that fragmented thing you describe has a similar effect on me.

I'm glad to see your Whole bit too. Taking those moments is so important.

I just picked up You Matter More than You Think by Dr. Leslie Parrott. I'll trade reviews with

Using My Words

Aliki2006 said...

I always like your SWB and always take something away with me in your words.

Lindsey said...

I love it how you said you sent yourself to your room to be with God. What an awesome idea! It sounds like it was MUCH NEEDED peace time!

daisies said...

i am sorry you have been feeling fragmented but happy that you have found ways to feeling whole again ... much love! xox