I don't know quite what happened on Monday but I did not get my Sleeping with Bread post written.
Well, I do know what happened. Life happened. School happened. Sleep happened.
So I find myself with a few moments to reflect and I ask myself...
When in the last week (or so) have I found consolation?
- meeting with my friend with whom I do my spiritual formation exercises
- taking time to spend with book club friends discussing Of Human Bondage
- watching Marley and Colin play outside together yesterday
- praying the prayer offices from the Northumbria Community
- getting some reassurances in different places and from different people that I just might manage this school thing
- watching Heroes (remember I'm a minor sci-fi/fantasy geek)
- we almost have enough money saved to renew our Disneyland passports (This is something that we can do as a whole family and anytime you can amuse both your 7 year old and your 15 year old, it is worth doing.)
When in the last week (or so) have I found desolation?
- not spending enough time with my family
- stressing over a 'B' for a paper and totally overcompensating on the next one (I'll have to sneak in another consolation here to say that the professor gave everyone a chance to rework the next one and I figured out the 'B' was for something very minor that is easily corrected in the next one.)
- a couple of things which I'm not at liberty to discuss in a public place but which are both saddening and stressful
- missing out on a movie with a friend because I forgot I had book club
- loss of sleep due to minor vomitage by daughter
- minor physical ailments which are more irritating than serious
Further Contemplations
All in all, it seems that each week since I began grad school I have learned something new about managing my life.
Last week, I learned that my brain will not meet the challenge of reading two chapters, back to back, of Content Area Literacy. Application? Don't save all that reading for the morning before class.
Over the course of the last few weeks, one question I started to ask myself and I think, after this week, I'm finding the answer is this:
Is this rollercoaster of stress that I am experiencing since starting school a natural response to my situation or is it just me and that peskly personality of mine not responding well to it all?
The conclusion I'm coming to? Yes, it is stressful for a 42 year old woman who hasn't been to school in 17 years to find herself in a graduate program for which she lacks a lot of the essential background of teaching experience. However, after stressing out for a day because I got a 'B' on a two page paper, upset that I was two points below the class average, and contacting the professor to ask for his suggestions before the next two page paper was due, I suspect that the hills and valleys I've been experiencing relate more to my own issues and personality. Application? I need to get a grip and settle down. I need to stop looking at every (perceived) setback as "THE END OF MY GRAD SCHOOL CAREER!" My body can't take it. My heart can't take it. And, I most assuredly know that my family can't take it! (Poor things. Psycho Mommy is scary!)
And so, as Picard might say to Riker, I just need to "make it so." (I told you I was something of a scifi/fantasy geek!)
12 comments:
um...again, haven't read this yet, but guess what I also posted today?
now I've read it.
I tend to have the same type of overblown (almost paranoid) reactions to certain things. I guess that isn't surprising to you, huh? :)
You CAN do it woman!!!!!!
Grab hold of those consolations and sing out for joy!
-t (also something of a sci-fi geek)
P.S. Engage
Yes, it is stressful to go back to school after so many years -- especially grad school. It's not just you. I meet the stressed out returning adult student in my office at least once a week (they are almost always women; hmmm) and have to talk her down off the ledge!
You are not alone. You can do it!
It does sound tough - but imagine how rewarding it will eventually be.
Hmm. I feel the need to go forth and check out this sleeping with bread malarky!
Sorry you're weary - whizzing emergency energy beams in your direction.
Cheers
Was it just me of was the Heroes season finale last season SO HOKEY I wasn't even excited to see this season begin? And was the premiere close enough to the same vein (OMG the time travel? could they do it an more kitchsy???) to make me wonder if this show is worth the DVR space?
Oh right...this is about YOU!
How carefully you tune in to your life...and how glad I am for you that you do.
Yes, I think the transition and adjustment of so much starting at once, especially grad school for you, would be tough. You will get the swing. And you will do well.
Big (HUGS) and hang in theres.
Julie
Using My Words
You CAN do it.
I have found an almost hysterical reaction to returning to school because I WANT to be there. Because I have made the choice to be there as a (ahem) mature adult.
One step at a time.
You are trying on many different hats right now.
You'll find a way to wear them all beautifully.
This is just a time of adjustment :)
You guys are so great! Thanks for all the encouragement.
First off: minor sci-fi/fantasy geek? YOU WISH.
You can so do this. Yes, you can. Consider us your blogging cheer squad. We are here if you need us. In any way.
Gooooooo! Mary LUE!
I've seen every single episode of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation (when I was pregnant with my twins I craved watching that show) - so you are not alone there. And all the other - there either. Thanks for coming to visit my blog - I appreciate your comment and your support!
"Make it so"--I like that!
I think you're probably coping remarkably well--it *is* hard to juggle everything you are doing. Hang in there!
So funny, because I had so many books in grad school that I had to read small chunk by small chunk.
"B" means "good," by the way...
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