Sleeping with Bread Monday

Update: In the last few days I have added several posts to my 9/11 recommends. If you haven't had your fill, they are very good.

Today's SWB falls on the fifth anniversary 9/11. I wrote and posted last night about my 9/11 story, which is essentially that I don't have one. I am relatively unscathed by the tragedy that took place as far away from my side of this country (the continental part, at least) as possible. I guess in the five year big picture, I would be grateful that I have, as yet, no personal losses from 9/11 or the War on . But in a way, that is something that saddens me as I wonder if I might not have been changed more by the country's experience if I had chosen to be. Because I haven't experienced those kinds of losses, have I just selfishly gone on, business as usual? Might I be a different person today?

So far I have read a few of my regular blogs' posts on this fifth anniversay about their experiences and I have found them to be very moving. I will put a link to them at the bottom of this post in case you are interested. Over the next day or two, I may add to it as I read more.

Still, I want to carry on with this week's Sleeping with Bread.

In the last week, what has caused me desolation?

I have been a little discouraged the past couple of days in my CPAP therapy. I was cruising along using the machine at first three hours, then five and then seven hours per night. I think I was beginning to feel a difference. Then, the last two nights, the mask just hasn't seemed quite right. I've felt a need to fiddle with it. It sounds like there are leaks if I don't lay down just right. Last night I only slept with it for about five hours and I can feel the irritability surfacing. It feels like such a set back. I twiddled with the mask earlier and hopefully tonight will be better.

In the last week, what has given me consolation?

After breakfast with a friend a few weeks ago, I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to get a Masters in Science in Reading with an eye towards teaching reading development at the community college level. The purpose is two-fold: I have always loved going to school and would like the challenge; and, if anything were to happen to Paul, I would feel better having some real options for a career. Paul and I were talking about it at lunch this past week, how long would it take, etc. And then Paul commented that it was a shame (that I couldn't just go get a job) because. . . "you can do anything. You would be so great in a business administration position or people management." We both acknowledged that the problem is my being out of the work force for awhile and not having the connections/experience/credentials that would give me the chance. A chance that I could really do something with.

My consolation is Paul's total faith that I could succeed in business. He believes I have talents and skills that could be put to good use for a company. He thinks I would be a great supervisor of people. I've never had any job like that but he sees qualities in me that, having been in the corporate world for the last 20 years, he knows are valuable to an employer. Maybe this doesn't sound like much but it means something to me because I know my husband. He is not the tell-your-wife-what-she-wants-to-hear guy. He gets in trouble for that--a lot.

So, thanks honey. . . You score points for that quality this week. Just remember the next time I ask you if my rear looks big in these pants: lie!


9/11 Recommends:

2996 Project (This site coordinated 2,996 volunteers to write individual memorials to each of the 2,996 victims of 9/11.)
Mom-101 for DOB 9/11
Life of 'Pie for From a Clear Blue Sky
Kvetch for Personal Effects
Halushki for If Only
V-Grrrl in the Middle for My 9/11 Story
notes from the trenches for the day after
Tip of the Iceberg for Remembering 9/11 (This is my sister-in-law. Her regular blog is Tip of the Iceberg but this was written on a different blog called Mimorian. Written in June after she saw the movie United 93, it has the same quality as most of the other recommends on this list: a personal and unique view of the day.)
Found in France (now Poppy Fields) for her untitled post. This very short but sweet post is the one that brought tears to my eyes.