Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sleeping with Bread Monday

Update: In the last few days I have added several posts to my 9/11 recommends. If you haven't had your fill, they are very good.

Today's SWB falls on the fifth anniversary 9/11. I wrote and posted last night about my 9/11 story, which is essentially that I don't have one. I am relatively unscathed by the tragedy that took place as far away from my side of this country (the continental part, at least) as possible. I guess in the five year big picture, I would be grateful that I have, as yet, no personal losses from 9/11 or the War on . But in a way, that is something that saddens me as I wonder if I might not have been changed more by the country's experience if I had chosen to be. Because I haven't experienced those kinds of losses, have I just selfishly gone on, business as usual? Might I be a different person today?

So far I have read a few of my regular blogs' posts on this fifth anniversay about their experiences and I have found them to be very moving. I will put a link to them at the bottom of this post in case you are interested. Over the next day or two, I may add to it as I read more.

Still, I want to carry on with this week's Sleeping with Bread.

In the last week, what has caused me desolation?

I have been a little discouraged the past couple of days in my CPAP therapy. I was cruising along using the machine at first three hours, then five and then seven hours per night. I think I was beginning to feel a difference. Then, the last two nights, the mask just hasn't seemed quite right. I've felt a need to fiddle with it. It sounds like there are leaks if I don't lay down just right. Last night I only slept with it for about five hours and I can feel the irritability surfacing. It feels like such a set back. I twiddled with the mask earlier and hopefully tonight will be better.

In the last week, what has given me consolation?

After breakfast with a friend a few weeks ago, I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to get a Masters in Science in Reading with an eye towards teaching reading development at the community college level. The purpose is two-fold: I have always loved going to school and would like the challenge; and, if anything were to happen to Paul, I would feel better having some real options for a career. Paul and I were talking about it at lunch this past week, how long would it take, etc. And then Paul commented that it was a shame (that I couldn't just go get a job) because. . . "you can do anything. You would be so great in a business administration position or people management." We both acknowledged that the problem is my being out of the work force for awhile and not having the connections/experience/credentials that would give me the chance. A chance that I could really do something with.

My consolation is Paul's total faith that I could succeed in business. He believes I have talents and skills that could be put to good use for a company. He thinks I would be a great supervisor of people. I've never had any job like that but he sees qualities in me that, having been in the corporate world for the last 20 years, he knows are valuable to an employer. Maybe this doesn't sound like much but it means something to me because I know my husband. He is not the tell-your-wife-what-she-wants-to-hear guy. He gets in trouble for that--a lot.

So, thanks honey. . . You score points for that quality this week. Just remember the next time I ask you if my rear looks big in these pants: lie!

9/11 Recommends:

2996 Project (This site coordinated 2,996 volunteers to write individual memorials to each of the 2,996 victims of 9/11.)
Mom-101 for DOB 9/11
Life of 'Pie for From a Clear Blue Sky
Kvetch for Personal Effects
Halushki for If Only
V-Grrrl in the Middle for My 9/11 Story
notes from the trenches for the day after
Tip of the Iceberg for Remembering 9/11 (This is my sister-in-law. Her regular blog is Tip of the Iceberg but this was written on a different blog called Mimorian. Written in June after she saw the movie United 93, it has the same quality as most of the other recommends on this list: a personal and unique view of the day.)
Found in France (now Poppy Fields) for her untitled post. This very short but sweet post is the one that brought tears to my eyes.


Logan said...

Mary --
Thanks for honestly sharing your thoughts & feelings. During such a day of sorrow & rememberance I am drawn to another group of people. I don't know how to describe the group other than those who lost loved ones around the "9/11" tragedy. Were they able to mourn their loved ones amidst devastation? Is there a sense of being forgotten? After all, isn't a funeral a time to remember your family & friends? Will the pain & mourning that was overshadowed by the world's chaos cause internal issues? As a member of that group, I pray for them often.
Thanks for letting me share. You have a fantastic blog & I look forward to it daily - after my time with God of course. Have a great day & God bless.

Mommy off the Record said...

I think your desire to go back to school and get back into the workforce is wonderful. If that's what you want to do, don't let anything stop you. You can do it if you set your mind to it. I know it.

Mary-LUE said...

Thanks MofR!

Mary-LUE said...


It is good to see you on the "board." I'm glad there is someone thinking about and praying for that group who lost people in those days before and after 9/11. I can say honestly that I had not thought about them specifically but now I will.

I'm glad you like the blog and that your priorities are in order! ;)

Terri B. said...

I thought about posting something yesterday on Tip of the Iceberg, but had posted a piece on Mimorian after seeing United 93. I will let that stand as my commentary. Because of my experience at a hospital on Sept. 11, my mind often goes to the doctors, nurses, EMTs, police, fire and other good souls who work tirelessly to SAVE lives. It is painful to think about the evil of those that would intentionally take life so I often find solace in thinking about and praying for those who work so hard DAILY to save life.

Mary-LUE said...

I thought about your piece and wondered if you would reference it somewhere. I think I'll put in on my 9/11 recommends list. Most of the posts I've recommended are ones that deal with a unique personal perspective. Yours will fit in quite nicely.

sunshine scribe said...

Great post. I am really interested to hear if you choose the path of school or business. Both very exciting options. It is wonderful your husband is so supportive.

Thanks for all the links to these moving 9/11 posts too.

kittenpie said...

Mary -

thanks for the link, which I discovered by seeing a bunch of people coming from you on sitemeter! Heh heh. Feel slike spying.

I too feel like maybe my story was trivial, as I wasn't affected in a deeply personal way by the loss. I think about those who were, and I can't stop mourning on that day. For the people, the families, the city I once lived in. And the loss of those buildings, even (I was raised by architects, what can I say!). A pall fals over me every 9/11, and I think that's true for most of us, even the lucky ones whose lives haven't really been fudamentally changed.