Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A lazy post

I call this "a lazy post" because I think it is funny but it isn't my own. Also, beware fellow bloggers. I think it is very important that we, at all times, are able to poke fun at ourselves. No offense intended. So, with that said, here goes:

From the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy soundtrack, the transcript which follows should be read with your best fake English accent. (Except for you Glyn, your real English accent will suffice.)

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Blogging

Blogging: Blogging is the act of regularly updating your web site with some humdrum information about your life or a link to something you just read on the Internet in the mistaken belief that anyone actually cares. It is the 21st century equivalent of hanging around railway stations writing pithy but erudite descriptions of the passing trains.

To take part in blogging or, to use the appropriate terminology, to join the blogosphere there are a couple of things you need to do. Firstly, you will need to increase the size of your ego. Without a swollen ego, you simply cannot achieve the levels of solipsism required by a modern blog. This necessary step is often missed by new bloggers, but without it you won’t believe that anyone is remotely interested in what you have had for lunch today, how cute your cat Mittens is, or whether or not you designed some tedious Internet protocol.

In fact, blogging without an oversized ego can actually be dangerous. If you start using words like blogosphere, there is a very real possibility that your own major intestine will leap straight up through your neck and throttle your brain in an attempt to preserve civilization.

Fortunately, there are various forms of medication to increase the size of your ego, many offering a money-back guarantee that you’ll be at least twice as obnoxious in four weeks or less. Until you are sufficiently obnoxious, you might feel the need to explain, or at the very least describe the very things you link to. Experienced bloggers know that they are so important that readers will blindly follow their links. After all a few seconds of one blogger’s time are clearly more valuable than all the time spent by people discovering they really didn’t care.

The other thing you should do to become a successful blogger is change your web site to use dotted lines and unreadable tiny fonts, wherever possible.


Terri B. said...

I could just hear the narrators voice. Very funny indeed!

karensff said...

I liked it! Would you mind if I posted this on my blog too? Just in case someone cares ;).