Saturday, March 17, 2007

Memoria

I decided to do a little bloggy reorganization today and so over the next few weeks, I will be moving posts over from my Memoria blog. When I started it, the only other blogging I was doing was, well, this first post explains it. . .

January 1, 2006

I was opening up an old journal today... It hadn't been opened in over 3 years but with the new year I felt an urge to write. I think I was influenced by a book I just finished, A God Shaped Hole. I actually didn't care for the book all that much but the main characters were writers. I think I was jealous of them and their dedication to journaling.

An old email from my Uncle L.T. fell out of the journal. It was written almost 2 years to the day before he died. As I read it, I was filled with a familiar sense of longing. . .

longing to see him
longing to talk to him
longing to talk about him with someone.

I never feel comfortable asking someone, "Hey, can you stop what you are doing and let me tell you about my dead uncle whom you've never met?"

I've been doing a family blog, updates on what we are up to, etc., and with this desire to write, I thought that I would start this blog as a place for me to go when I am missing someone and to write about them. This is intended as an outlet for me. Maybe no one will ever read it. That's okay. But I'll get it out there--share that grief and longing. I'll put it out into the aether and see what happens--internally, emotionally, in any way at all.

So, as time allows and as I find myself thinking about Uncle L.T. or Aunt Margaret, Grandma or my brother, this blog, Memoria, will be here for me.

Until then,

Mary-LUE


Memoria fulfilled its purpose for me. Over the course of a handful of posts, I wrote about a few of the people who I've lost in my life and it helped release a little of the pressure inside of me. I only told a few people about Memoria. I was afraid for others to read it. I was scared. However, it wasn't long before I wanted to write about more and Life, the Universe and Everything was born. Over the last year, I've become more comfortable with others reading my writing. I'm not scared anymore. And while Memoria wasn't the place to write about life, the universe and everything, Life, the Universe and Everything is definitely a place to share about those I wish to remember.

6 comments:

Mel said...

((((((((((Mary-LUE))))))))))))

It's a good thing to let go of the fear.
Sometimes it's AS much about others needing to hear as you needing to say, eh?

*huge hugs and big 'thank yous'*

Undoubtedly I needed to see someone get past their fears, too.

Beck said...

I remember when my uncle died and I needed to talk about him for ages afterwards, but never knew when it was appropriate. I'm glad that Memoria served it's purpose and I'm glad you have this blog, too.

Julie Pippert said...

Mary Lue. What a beautiful sharing.

I used that concept of longing and shaped hole visual in the memorial to my grandfather.

There was so much there that could and hsould have been, but wasn't. A part of me will always long and mourn.

How beautiful you have people you can say, "I remember..." instead of just "I wish..."

And how hard that some of them are gone, now, leaving an individual shaped hole.

(Even if that book wasn't very good.)

And I'm glad you are out here for me to read. :)

V-Grrrl said...

What I love about blogging is the way it evolves and changes with the writer, and in some cases, with the readers, how it serves different purposes at different times and stages in life.

It's good to have a place to think and remember out loud...to mourn and celebrate, to just be. My blog is kinda like a front porch in the old days. You put yourself out there and wait and see who stops on by.

Mary-LUE said...

Thanks Mel. Your comments are always such an encouragement to me. Your warmth just comes across so vividly. Maybe it's all those virtual (((((hugs)))))! Thanks for caring.

Beck, I sent you an email. One niece to another.

Julie, Thank you. I do feel fortunate to have relationships to remember. I feel more fortunate that most of the losses I have experienced over the years came when I was an adult and had grown to appreciate a fuller, more realistic relationship than just the love of a child for her grandmother, uncle, etc. I got to know them all over again after I was a grown up.

V-Grrrl, you are so right about the evolution of a writer as she blogs. I also love your front porch analogy. I think that is an excellent picture of V-Grrrl in the Middle. Often after reading one of your posts, I do wish that I could just be there, drinking tea and eating cookies with you, sitting in rocking chairs and watching the world go by.

daisies said...

oh, how wonderful for you to open up in this way and share even more of yourself ...

blogging really is an evolution of yourself as a writer and artist ... always changing and moving forward. reading this post, makes me proud to be a blogger and so happy i found your space in the universe :)