Friday, August 24, 2007

What a week!

Life has gone from zero to 60 in just a few days. (I may be repeating myself here.) We were dealing with soccer practice which wasn't too bad, just two times a week. I was preparing myself mentally for school to begin when word came that our business manager at church had resigned. Could I give a few hours per week to do the deposits, accounts payable, etc. We are a small church and not having these things done in a timely manner would be a disaster. I have covered for this area in the past--two years ago--and so the leadership asked if I was available. I thought I could give 5 - 10 hours per week, but of course, the first week or two took longer. Following all the minutiae of processing checks, entering them into the finance software, etc., take some getting used to.

This week, I attended my first Master's classes. I was a little nerve-wracked about that, which was intensified by my commitment to helping out at church. I'm not very good at having too much schedule to deal with. However, while I was somewhat anxious, I was also certain that I could manage it for a few weeks. One of my classes is only five weeks long and my hope is that the position will be filled with a new, full-time employee in about the same amount of time. (Let me add here that the church is compensating me for my time.)

All of this was further complicated by an issue I was having regarding Marley. She was going to go with her grandparents on a trip. I should have been more than happy for her to go. She's gone with them before; she would have had fun; I am always more than happy to dump share my children with others. Always. I had an uneasy feeling about it which I couldn't shake. I tried to dismiss it. I said she could go. As it got closer to her leaving, I had to sit down and spend some time in prayer and meditation.

During that time, what came to me was this: maybe I was feeling this way because of so many new obligations that were coming my way--maybe not. I spent time examining the anxiety I was having about school and work. I ended up admitting to God that I just didn't know what to do about Marley and the trip. I asked for help. Should she go or should she stay. As I said that prayer, a feeling washed over my heart. That may sound weird but that is exactly what happened. I realized that when I thought about work or school, my anxiety rested in my gut. When I thought about Marley going on the trip, I was feeling something in my heart.

I walked out of my bedroom and went to talk to Paul. I started crying. I can't really explain why. While he wasn't having the same sense that I was, he completely supported me. I spoke to a couple of other moms and the consensus was the same: listen to my heart. So we did. Marley stayed home. I want to explain that I wasn't having any sort of premonition. There was no specific fear that something would happen to her. It was just an overwhelming sense that she shouldn't go.

All of this has left me a little exhausted this week. I am grateful, though, for friends to talk to about it and to Paul for accepting what I was feeling. Marley's grandparents were very accepting when we said she wasn't going. We never really had to explain why. So, whether it was just some sort of emotional overload or some sort of guiding from God, I am at peace with it all. Further, I was able t get everything I needed to get done for work in about 10 hours this week and after my first round of classes, I think I can do it. The work schedule will be heavy, but not too hard. The "graduate level" writing that I was stressing about is not going to be an issue. They want plain, straightforward writing with good content and decent grammar. I can do that.

I feel like I just crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope. It was scary. I was wobbly but I didn't fall. Whew!


EnnuiHerself said...

Whew! Sounds like you really did have a rough week - glad you made it through though!

I'm not a Mama, but I firmly believe that we have instincts for a reason and we should heed them; this is doubly true when it concerns our children. I think you did the right thing by keeping Marley home. She'll have other chances to spend the week with her grandparents.

And see? I told you that you'd be just fine in grad school. You are obviously an excellent writer and will have no trouble with the assignments.

(Hey, first comment! I never get first comment!)

Alpha DogMa said...

I was wondering where you were! Too often I discount that inner voice - I'm proud that you listened to yours. Good luck with the school/work schedule!

Anonymous said...

Hi Mary,
It sounds like everything was getting started at once, and it was a lot. I'm so glad that your anxiety is relieved now and you're feeling confident about meeting your commitments. What a boost.

I'm hanging in there on the edge of everything happening here, trying to be patient and keep my perspective that it will all be over or underway in a couple of weeks. Feeling a bit weepy about it all, too.


Anonymous said...

Ah, the fine line between 'dumping' and 'sharing' the kids. Congrats on making it through Niagara Falls. Next week, can you walk the same tightrope while carrying a stack of textbooks?

daisies said...

congratulations on making through your first busy week and for listening to your heart ~ all good things :) sending you love .. xox

Sheila said...

I find that when I get that feeling - whether it is "bad things" are afoot in the world, or I'm stressed or saddened by something - I want to be at home with my family. I don't want to go anywhere and I don't want anyone to leave. We let the kids sleep in their sleeping bags on the floor of our bedroom and we are all together all night. I don't know why - is the closeness of family just a comfort, or is it that I think I can really protect them better when we are together? I'm not sure, but I try to listen to my heart, too, when those situations come up. I'm glad you made it through this week! You are probably going to be at the top of your classes, too :) (smartypants)