Monday, June 25, 2007

Sleeping with Bread: It's a Family Affair

It isn't often that my week's consolation and desolation are truly opposite sides of the same coin. Oh, sometimes, when I am baking my weekly bread, I can choose to emphasize one aspect of life over another to make my posts more symmetrical, but this week... this week, I was both cheered and disheartened by Family.

The cheering was simple enough. My kids plus a pool equal joy.

They both love swimming.
They get along while they are swimming.
I love watching them swim.

Their prowess in the water fills me with awe and pride because it is something I never had. I am glad that we've given them swim lessons and found opportunities for them to enjoy the water. Swimming strengthens their bodies and, I think, their self-confidence. It's all good and this week, we began swim lessons for Marley and bought our pool pass for the university pool.

All my associations with the pool are good and so far, I've yet to be disappointed.

I wish I could say the same about certain interactions with my family, the one I grew up in. I don't know how to write about this so that it makes sense. To try to explain the specifics doesn't seem appropriate. Would sharing the details of this one incident make sense when it is truly just one strand in a Gordian knot of history, personality, trauma and drama? History, personality, trauma and drama that I am not just a victim of, but a contributor to. So, something happened this week that made me angry and hurt me, hurt my son and made him very angry. I knew it was going to happen. I predicted it. But I also hoped I was wrong. I erred on the side of second chances. And I'm left to wonder again, when will I stop hoping and should I stop hoping. I just don't know.

15 comments:

Alpha DogMa said...

Hey Sweetie. Don't stop hoping. Don't stop learning, either. Maybe the two will come together - unlike the sides of that coin.

Beck said...

Family can sometimes really, really suck. A lot of the time I wish that I hatched from an egg, like a turtle and didn't have all of these relatives hovering around me.
But there's always good stuff, isn't there?

Julie Pippert said...

Oh Mary. (HUGS) I understand complex family. Too much.

Can I say how much this resonated with me:

"I don't know how to write about this so that it makes sense. To try to explain the specifics doesn't seem appropriate. Would sharing the details of this one incident make sense when it is truly just one strand in a Gordian knot of history, personality, trauma and drama? History, personality, trauma and drama that I am not just a victim of, but a contributor to."

I don't avoid family talk on my blog simply for privacy reasons; this is also why.

Big (HUGS) again for you and your son.

And the swimming---I agree. I think it is awesome. I am trying hard to get my physically cautious one to learn, and my overexuberant one to as well. One won't try and one is to busy to hear instruction to try.

As usual, a wonderfully reflective post.

daisies said...

first a hug for the painful stuff and a lot of love from canada :)

second, yay for swimming!! i grew up swimming in the lake, then lessons, then i competative swam for years and lifeguarded and came back full circle and taught swimming lessons ~ such a good good thing. these days, i swim in the mornings before work and it feels so good ~ so glad your kids are enjoying the benefits :)

Terri B. said...

Sorry to hear things were hurtful. I know that constant hoping that things will be different while knowing inside that most likely things will never change. I still hope and I still get hurt, but I think it would be sad not to hope. Hugs.

Sarah said...

I tend to be a little bit too hopeful. I'm finally realizing that the only behavior that I can control is my own. I'm trying to stop imagining these wonderful things that I wish that people would say to me. Wow, I sounds like a terrible self help book. But I agree about the pool stuff. It's even true with a 2 year old.

atypical said...

On family joys, yay to swimming! Anything that can create a cooperative spirit between siblings, promote bodily well-being, AND bring a smile to mom's lips is surely a foreshadowing of heaven. :)

On family woes, I almost wish I didn't understand. Hugs and prayers to you (and the boy).

Poppy Fields said...

It's fun to see our children enjoying eachother and an activity together. It's one of the simple things I wish for. Untangling family histories is more complicated. I hope your son doesn't stay mad too long.

Mel said...

*sending hugs and prayers*

I don't stop hoping good things for other people--as long as I'm realistic about who's in control of them (and it ain't me)--I figure it's just the loving thing to do.

Aliki2006 said...

Hugs to you--I can sympathize about that Gordian knot business. I am so sorry.

Sophie said...

I'm sorry for your pain this week. Me? I would rather err on the side of hope. [shrugs shoulders]

We are giving Pumpkin swimming lessons, too. The first few weeks were awful; she was so frightened. Now she is confident and proud of herself. I'm glad we didn't give up on the lessons (or her, if I can put it that way).

Shari said...

After years of family turmoil and dysfunction (but much healing also), I can completely relate. Hang in there. :-) Lots of hugs to you.

I grew up in the water (at the beach and the local pool) and those memories are my fondest, most exquisite memories.

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Emily said...

Trying to raise a healthy family is so hard when unhealthy extended family tries to intrude. My thoughts are with you.

L-Girl said...

I learned a couple years ago who the people in my family really are. I mean, I learned that they are more than aunts and uncles, cousins...ect, they are really people with their own views on politics, religion, my man, my job...the list goes on. I think I liked it better when they were just aunts and uncles, if you know what I mean. My point is, I think family can either hurt or help, it just depends on the day. Hang in there....I hope you and your son can heal from the hurtful things:) (((HUGS)))