Monday, October 06, 2008

Sleeping with Bread: Just Under the Wire

Whew! After a long day of schooling, first prepping and then actually attending. . . I am home, fed, pajama'd and ready to bake some bread.

The question which is popping out at me tonight has to do with feeling whole and fragmented. The problem is, while there were definitely good things to the week, I can't say there was a feeling of wholeness. Fragmented? Yes. Whole? No.

I guess I am going to have to lose some of the Examen's normal symmetry.

In the last week, when did I feel most fragmented?

All the time. Schoolwork is looming over me. I just need my own personal film score playing discordant, anxiety-inducing music whenever I think about what I need to do.

In general, my moods are somewhat erratic right now. My brain:

Hey! Everything is lovely and beautiful!!! 

Ten minutes later...

Hey! There is no end to this dreary existence!

It is just ridiculous.  There is a part of me which hovers above all this, as if I'm astral projecting, which understands this emotional turbulence.  It's hormones, it's sleep deprivation, it's yada, yada, yada.  Living through it, though is not fun.

However, not all the fragments of life are bad right now if I just take a good look.  So...

When in the last week did I feel most grateful?

When my daughter's teacher told me how much Marley is blossoming this year.  She participating in class discussions.  She's being a model and leader in class.  She is engaged in her reading (at school, at least).

Keeping to the education theme, Marley has her own little blog.  She's had it for awhile, but now that I've "Hannah Montana'd" the blog template, she's been more excited about it.  Her teachers, going above and beyond the call of duty, have been faithfully reading and commenting on it. (As well as some family and friends.) How great is that?  Do you know how excited a kid can get when she hears that her teacher just left a comment?  Very excited!  

These are the same teachers who host the Lunch Bunch every Friday.  The third grade girls all get to eat lunch with the teachers and talk.  I asked Marley what they talk about and she said, "Oh, we talk about what is good that is going on and what is bad that is going on."  It's her own little elementary school version of the Examen!!!  Again, teachers who are going above and beyond the call.

I did more exercise last week than I have in weeks.  Two good sessions on the treadmill and one good housecleaning workout.  (I know most people do the housecleaning thing all the time.  I don't--so it counts!)

Let's see...  I know there is more to the past week to be grateful for.  My brain and body are shutting down.  Two chapters on the 6D Model of Reading, one theory to practice card, one lesson plan for tutoring, one tutoring session, one scoring of an Informal Reading Inventory, and two and a half hours of lecture/discussion.  Yeah.  I'm brain-dead.

So, here's to this week, to appreciating the good stuff and having the strength to deal with the bad stuff.



Don't forget to check out the other SWB posts!!!


Anonymous said...

The Lunch Bunch sounds fabulous. I wish that had been around when I was in grade 3. Or when I was age 33. Or age 35. It's not too late for me is it?

edj said...

I know so well that feeling of being fragmented and the erratic moods. As I go through culture adjustment and live out of suitcases for months at a time, I can say "This is why you feel this way. It will soon be over," which helps, but it's still hard to live through.

How wonderful that Marley has such great teachers! Wow! That lunch bunch thing is awesome.

Mel said...

Awwwwwwww......what a brilliant thing for the kiddo to be blogging. And c'mon......Hannah Montana WOULD increase the activity. Bless the teachers for being so involved with their kiddos.

And bless you--fragmented as it might feel it does get different with one foot in front of the other.


Julie Pippert said...

Oh that fragmented-pulled-in-many-directions-nothing-gets-done-to-satisfaction feeling.


And how awesome that Marley is blossoming and succeeding with her own blog, what a great feeling for her.

GL with everything.

So glad to catch this post.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. This idea of wholeness...seems very, very foreign or distant to me. Thank you for a morsel to hold on to and examine in light of my own life. Wholeness. Hmm again.

That is wonderful news about Marley and her teachers. Certainly, knowing that our children are buoyant is a big piece of the puzzle in its place.

Even though I griped about "results" for my exercise, I overlooked the most beneficial result of all: I feel better afterward. Keep it up, prioritize it. It's worth it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mary-LUE, I love these SWB posts! This one particularly. Your fragmented section sounded so..."Ecclesiastes." And man, I can relate to that feeling.

At times like those, I get comfort from Psalm 86:11. "...unite my heart to fear your name." I want to feel united against multiple distractions pulling me from every direction, from the hurry-scurry of things that demand my attention, from warring emotions within me. My poor, fragmented heart must be united to fear the Lord.

But I'm glad to hear about all that you're thankful for. (I have to do some house cleaning exsercise myself!)

John Ross said...

This sleeping with bread thing is a good, good thing for you. It probably would be for many of us, but as yet, I've chosen to treat it as a spectator event. Not sure why, since one of my "things" seems to be to see at least two sides of every issue. Keep doing these, please. Perhaps I will eventually be incited to take stock of my own in this way. trying to enhance my "atitude of gratitude". so, i'm sure you've long since tumbled to the idea that this blog thing of yours is definately not just for you. It effects some of us out here in cyber-land pretty stongly. NO pressure or anything....heh, heh.

atypical said...

and you say I write what you think....

just call me pieces

-t(you know, the one who never seems to bake bread anymore)