... and other things you might call black.
Last night I got my midterm (The Midterm of Doom) back. I got 63 out of 70 points. Not being bright enough to immediately figure out that 7 points of 70 would be a 90%, I had a little panic, did the math on a calculator and realized that I had a 90%. For one split second, I was relieved that I didn't have a 'B' or worse. I shifted directly to consternation, frustration, aggravation, and whatever other 'ation' word you can think of.
I got the lowest 'A' possible.
THE LOWEST 'A' POSSIBLE! A TRAGEDY! A CALAMITY! WHAT COULD I DO?!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!!!
As I glanced through the exam, I could see that it looked like the only reason I had points deducted was due to not citing enough authors. I grabbed that bone and didn't want to let go. She didn't tell us we had to cite EVERYTHING! She just said to know the theorists.
Well, this little internal diatribe went on all the way home and for some time afterward. All along, I kept telling myself it didn't matter, it was still an 'A,' blah, blah, blah.
At the same time, I was frustrated with some of my classmates because they were complaining (the nice word for it) about the work we still have left to do in the last few weeks of class. "I'm tired of spending all my weekends doing work." "Why do we have to do all this?" In my mind I was rebuking them. "What did you expect? It's grad school. This has been on the syllabus the whole semester."
It wasn't too long into my "I didn't know I had too cite every little thing"-diatribe that I realized that at least a portion of my rebuke could apply to myself. "What did you expect? It's grad school."
I hate when things get turned back on me like that. Especially when I do it to myself!
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7 comments:
This happens to me every time I get mad at the hubster. I rant and rave in my mind for some time until I start pointing out to myself that every one of my complaints could be directed at myself in some way (even if it is a small one).
If I'm in just the right state of grumpdom, this tends to make me madder before it makes me better. ;)
Congrats on the A - even if it was the lowest possible one (BRAT is in my screen name, you know).
You won't believe how happy I was to see 2 posts from you!!!!!!!
-t (who must try to finish writing something)
You know, though, that next time you'll have a much better idea what is expected of you. And that IS some consolation.
I hear you, I do, all of it. :)
Much better to learn it at a 90 than something lower, though.
Nice to see you. :)
At least the problem is something you can fix, as opposed to something like "you didn't actually address the topic."
Yup, you sound like a grad student ;o)
You sound like an A one student to me...
Oh I had that feeling too, and then after a couple situations like that, I stopped stressing about a higher A. Don't beat yourself up!!
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