Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Warning! A Post Which Makes Rash Generalizations About a Certain Portion of the Populace.

With just one week before I start summer school, I decided to treat myself to an afternoon movie, Then She Found Me.

There is a peril in going to a movie on a weekday afternoon...

I don't want to come across as being prejudiced in any way...

However.

The people who tend to go to movies on a weekday afternoon tend to be of a certain age.

An age where glasses are often required...
An age where gray hair is common...
An age where an occasional walker is used...
An age where hearing is sometimes diminished...

OLD PEOPLE!

Now, I've got nothing against old people. Seriously. Some of my very favorite people in the whole world have been old people. But old people at a movie theater? It's like having the director's commentary turned on while you are watching a DVD. Except it isn't the director's commentary. It is the commentary of every thought that might pop into your head which may, or may not, be relevant to the film. Commentary dialed up to 11 in volume.

Among the comments I heard today. . .

Ellen DeGeneres' girlfriend was going to be in one of the movies we saw the preview for playing a very tough, dramatic part.

Helen Hunt must have made a lot of money for this movie because she is starring in it, co-wrote it, produced it, and directed it.

Also about Ms. Hunt, according to my source (and I doubt its accuracy), she has never been married and had a baby by artificial insemination. (My source may have been getting some of the plot confused with Ms. Hunt's actual life.)

Now, to be sure, this was not the worst case of OLD PEOPLE MOVIE TALKING that I've ever experienced. Last November I went to see Lars and the Real Girl. In addition to a running commentary, I also had to put up with inappropriate laughing at the film's more tragic moments.

Sigh.

This must be what is like to watch a movie with me at home.